Me: Dave doesn’t look happy.
Nell: That’s because he isn’t.
Me: His ears have gone flat. He’s lost his sparkle.
Nell: What are you talking about?
Me: He looks like a little boy with wet hair who has just been collected from swimming lessons and is feeling a bit cold and miserable.
Nell: For Goodness Sake.
Me: My poor Big Brave Beautiful Boy.
Nell: David is not sad. He is annoyed.
Me: But he’s never annoyed.
Nell: Well, he is today.
Me: What have I done?
Nell: It’s not you. It’s the Beefies.
Me: Oh dear.
Nell: They’ve stolen the bacon.
Me: The villains.
Nell: And replaced it with mackerel.
Nell: Imagine starting your day with a mackerel sandwich.
Me: There are worse things.
Nell: Not when you were expecting bacon.
Me: I suppose not. How did they get the bacon?
Nell: During yesterday’s ridiculously theatrical performance of ‘My Way’ a group of wild Beefies gained access to the kitchen. They knew we would all be at the beach.
Me: The rascals.
Nell: Yes. Timothy was found trussed up with an orange in his mouth.
Me: That’s appalling. He must be traumatised.
Nell: He is going to need a long time to get over it.
Me: Of course he is.
Nell: The Beefies took all the bacon and both sauces. Red and white.
Nell: They even took Poppy’s fresh white farmhouse bread and replaced it with a stale brown shop bought loaf.
Me: The cheek of it.
Nell: Poppy only discovered it this morning when she went to make breakfast.
Me: Didn’t Timothy tell her?
Nell: Timothy has been lying down in a darkened room with a towel over his eyes. He can’t talk to anyone.
Me: Of course not. Sorry.