Personally, I would favour an alpaca

Nell: I’m very unhappy with you.

Me: Yes, I know you are.

Nell: Making people think I was involved in the feather incident when I was just helping Kev with his investigation.

Me: Well, I apologise but you have to admit that it looked very iffy.

Nell: Iffy is not a word and neither is sloodgy by the way.

Me: But sloodgy is one of my favourite words.

Nell: I know.

Me: It’s exactly what the lanes are like when they get all wet and muddy, or the way custard can be if it’s a bit too thick.

Nell: Yes, I know but it’s still a made up word.

Me: Talking of making up, is Alejandro still at war with Count Bingo Flamingo?

Nell: Yes. He can’t accept Gladys’s decision to enter the dance contest with Count Bingo.

Me: But he’s the better dancer.

Nell: Yes, but Alejandro Tries Hard.

Me: You don’t get points for that.

Nell: Well, you should. I have brought the puppies up to value the importance of Trying Hard. David, is a shining example.

Me: Did you taste one of his scones?

Nell: I did. Hard doesn’t even come close. I nearly broke my tooth.

Me: They went a bit wrong.

Nell: It’s the thought that counts.

Me: Not if you have to eat it.

Nell: True. David is not a natural cook.

Me: But he’s an excellent eater.

Nell: Anyway, I understand Alejandro’s disappointment. He’s very light on his feet for an alpaca.

Me: The Argentine tango doesn’t really work with four legs.

Nell: Personally, I would favour an alpaca over a flamingo if I was looking for a South American cowboy.

Me: And are you?

Nell: No. I’m referring to a gaucho. They dance the Argentine tango. Do keep up.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

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