Nell: Why is there a lizard in the kitchen eating porridge?
Me: Dave said it didn’t want any bacon.
Nell: What is it doing here? It’s Sunday morning and we were not expecting visitors.
Me: I think it’s come to see Henry and Horst.
Nell: Or eat Henry and Horst. Lizards are like that you know. They can’t help themselves.
Me: No. Lesley is a nice lizard.
Nell: Lesley ?
Me: Yes. It has a lisp which is rather endearing.
Nell: Snakes lisp. How do we know it’s to be trusted?
Me: It’s wearing a bandana.
Nell: I see. Well, tell it not to be noisy as Mutley is sleeping.
Me: I can’t help but notice that someone has chewed the sofa cushion again.
Nell: Yes. We are looking into it.
Me: I hope so.
Nell: We suspect it is an old transgression that went unnoticed, or someone bounced on the cushion and burst it open.
Me: It can’t keep happening.
Nell: The matter is being dealt with and reparation will be made.
Me: I hope none of you are turning bad.
Nell: No. Biting a Cushion and Excessive Bouncing fall under Naughty not Bad.
Me: I see.
Nell: Biting a person, or other animal, and meaning it, is definitely Bad, however. Puppies are excluded. Is that lizard part of the surveillance team?
Me: If it is I’m hoping outside surveillance.
Nell: Yes. I draw the line at stumbling across a lizard in my own home. I’m still getting used to alpacas.
Me: Do we know what the plan is?
Nell: Sally will tell us when she’s ready. ‘Patience is a virtue so just sit down and chew, Often found in dogs but never found in you.’
Me: Did you say chew?
Nell: That is not the point.
Me: No. Sorry.
