Sunday visitors

Nell: Why is there a lizard in the kitchen eating porridge?

Me: Dave said it didn’t want any bacon.

Nell: What is it doing here? It’s Sunday morning and we were not expecting visitors.

Me: I think it’s come to see Henry and Horst.

Nell: Or eat Henry and Horst. Lizards are like that you know. They can’t help themselves.

Me: No. Lesley is a nice lizard.

Nell: Lesley ?

Me: Yes. It has a lisp which is rather endearing.

Nell: Snakes lisp. How do we know it’s to be trusted?

Me: It’s wearing a bandana.

Nell: I see. Well, tell it not to be noisy as Mutley is sleeping.

Me: I can’t help but notice that someone has chewed the sofa cushion again.

Nell: Yes. We are looking into it.

Me: I hope so.

Nell: We suspect it is an old transgression that went unnoticed, or someone bounced on the cushion and burst it open.

Me: It can’t keep happening.

Nell: The matter is being dealt with and reparation will be made.

Me: I hope none of you are turning bad.

Nell: No. Biting a Cushion and Excessive Bouncing fall under Naughty not Bad.

Me: I see.

Nell: Biting a person, or other animal, and meaning it, is definitely Bad, however. Puppies are excluded. Is that lizard part of the surveillance team?

Me: If it is I’m hoping outside surveillance.

Nell: Yes. I draw the line at stumbling across a lizard in my own home. I’m still getting used to alpacas.

Me: Do we know what the plan is?

Nell: Sally will tell us when she’s ready. ‘Patience is a virtue so just sit down and chew, Often found in dogs but never found in you.’

Me: Did you say chew?

Nell: That is not the point.

Me: No. Sorry.

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