Friday Confession

Me: Oh dear. I was afraid it might be Harriet.

Nell: Yes. She has confessed. David perjured himself of course.

Me: How?

Nell: He said he did it. By mistake.

Me: I think it was rather honourable of him to try and protect his sister.

Nell: Yes. That was taken into account and no charges will be made.

Me: What about Harriet?

Nell: Well, as you know this is not her first offence. Apart from accidental chewing, however, Harriet is a model of society.

Me: Yes, she is.

Nell: She also made a full confession.

Me: So no imprisonment then?

Nell: Imprisonment? What do you think this is? The Old Bailey?

Me: No. Of course not.

Nell: Harriet will not be allowed to sleep on the sofa for the next week.

Me: Oh dear.

Nell: She is also on pot washing duty in the kitchen.

Me: Fair enough.

Nell: And no bacon.

Me: That’s harsh.

Nell: Yes. David gasped.

Me: Can I cuddle her?

Nell: No. Not yet. Bad dogs need to know they’re bad. She could end up in the Bad Animal Division.

Me: Perish the thought.

Nell: Quite.

Me: Did she say why she did it?

Nell: Boredom. I told her ‘If you’re bored, read a book, or knit something, but don’t eat a cushion.’

Me: Does she knit?

Nell: That’s not the point.

Me: How was yesterday’s tea with the Woodlouse family, by the way?

Nell: A little awkward. I’m sure they’re perfectly pleasant insects but I couldn’t hear a word they were saying.

Me: I suppose their voices are rather small.

Nell: David acted as an interpreter. He’s used to chatting to Henry, so we managed.

Me: I didn’t know David spoke Woodlouse.

Nell: He doesn’t. He just has keen ears.

Me: Oh, I see. Sorry.

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