Me: Oh dear. I was afraid it might be Harriet.
Nell: Yes. She has confessed. David perjured himself of course.
Nell: He said he did it. By mistake.
Me: I think it was rather honourable of him to try and protect his sister.
Nell: Yes. That was taken into account and no charges will be made.
Me: What about Harriet?
Nell: Well, as you know this is not her first offence. Apart from accidental chewing, however, Harriet is a model of society.
Me: Yes, she is.
Nell: She also made a full confession.
Me: So no imprisonment then?
Nell: Imprisonment? What do you think this is? The Old Bailey?
Me: No. Of course not.
Nell: Harriet will not be allowed to sleep on the sofa for the next week.
Me: Oh dear.
Nell: She is also on pot washing duty in the kitchen.
Me: Fair enough.
Nell: And no bacon.
Me: That’s harsh.
Nell: Yes. David gasped.
Me: Can I cuddle her?
Nell: No. Not yet. Bad dogs need to know they’re bad. She could end up in the Bad Animal Division.
Me: Perish the thought.
Me: Did she say why she did it?
Nell: Boredom. I told her ‘If you’re bored, read a book, or knit something, but don’t eat a cushion.’
Me: Does she knit?
Nell: That’s not the point.
Me: How was yesterday’s tea with the Woodlouse family, by the way?
Nell: A little awkward. I’m sure they’re perfectly pleasant insects but I couldn’t hear a word they were saying.
Me: I suppose their voices are rather small.
Nell: David acted as an interpreter. He’s used to chatting to Henry, so we managed.
Me: I didn’t know David spoke Woodlouse.
Nell: He doesn’t. He just has keen ears.
Me: Oh, I see. Sorry.