Who destroyed the sofa?

Nell: Before you say anything, I am aware of the damage and a meeting has been called.

Me: Just look at the sofa.

Nell: Yes. We have a suspect and several witnesses.

Me: Who did it?

Nell: As you know I prefer to deal with these matters internally.

Me: This is not okay, Nell.

Nell: No, it isn’t and I’m expecting a full confession at Morning Thoughts.

Me: Somebody has been a Very Bad Dog.

Nell: Yes. Rest assured that you will receive a formal apology and this will have consequences.

Me: I’m very disappointed.

Nell: So am I. The suspect is normally such a Good Dog.

Me: Well, it can’t be Dave then.

Nell: It is not David, but he is a witness.

Me: Oh dear. He won’t like that.

Nell: Anyway, lets move on. I received an extraordinary letter this morning.

Me: You did?

Nell: Yes. Could you get my reading glasses please? The writing is very tiny.

Me: The letter is the size of a postage stamp.

Nell: Yes. It was hand delivered. So, it says:

‘Dear Madam,

My wife and I would like to thank you for the kindness you have shown to our two boys Henry and Horst.

We would like to call on you today at 3pm to convey our thanks and possibly partake of a cup of Earl Grey and a scone.

Until then we remain your grateful servants,

P. G Woodlouse and Barbara’

Me: I’m sure I’ve heard of Barbara Woodlouse.

Nell: Yes, she’s an expert in dogs but rather old school.

Me: And P.G. Woodlouse definitely rings a bell.

Nell: Don’t be ridiculous. As if a woodlouse could be a bell ringer. He’s a famous author, of course. You must have heard of Bertie Woofer. Do keep up.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

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