Nell: You’ve done it now.
Me: What have I done?
Nell: Making up stories. Putting words in people’s mouths.
Me: Why are you under the table?
Nell: Malcolm and Timothy have challenged Romeo and his friend to a fight.
Nell: No baguettes. But stale ones.
Me: Romeo’s friend isn’t called Mercutio, is he?
Nell: Certainly not. His name is Rock.
Nell: Yes. And he’s a really big Beefy.
Me: He’d need to be with a name like that. But Malcolm’s a lover not a fighter.
Nell: I know. It’s most unlike him. Apparently Romeo has been serenading Susan.
Me: She doesn’t have a balcony, does she?
Nell: No. She lives in a bungalow but that’s not the point. Romeo can’t just go around singing ‘Wake up little Susie’ outside her window. She’s an engaged seagull.
Nell: Malcolm asked him politely to stop and he refused. So here we are.
Me: Baguettes at dawn.
Nell: Well, at mid morning.
Me: My money is on Malcolm. These shy types can surprise you when provoked.
Nell: The worst thing is Romeo has Stephen Seagull’s blessing.
Me: Oh dear. I always forget he’s Susan’s biological father.
Nell: I know. Count Bingo is supporting Malcolm. He’s brought the troops.
Me: I wondered what all the flamingos were doing here.
Nell: Unfortunately Stephen has summoned the Beefies.
Me: This could be war.
Nell: You see what you started.
Me: But it’s got nothing to do with me.
Nell: Please stick to reporting the facts in future.
Me: Dave just walked past wearing a colander on his head carrying a giant sausage roll.
Nell: At least it wasn’t Gladys in my handbag.
Me: Gladys is already in position.
Nell: With, or without the Welsh corgi choir?
Me: With, and the Whippets Institute minibus has just pulled into the car park. Sorry.