Baguettes at dawn

Nell: You’ve done it now.

Me: What have I done?

Nell: Making up stories. Putting words in people’s mouths.

Me: Why are you under the table?

Nell: Malcolm and Timothy have challenged Romeo and his friend to a fight.

Me: Swords?

Nell: No baguettes. But stale ones.

Me: Romeo’s friend isn’t called Mercutio, is he?

Nell: Certainly not. His name is Rock.

Me: Rock?

Nell: Yes. And he’s a really big Beefy.

Me: He’d need to be with a name like that. But Malcolm’s a lover not a fighter.

Nell: I know. It’s most unlike him. Apparently Romeo has been serenading Susan.

Me: She doesn’t have a balcony, does she?

Nell: No. She lives in a bungalow but that’s not the point. Romeo can’t just go around singing ‘Wake up little Susie’ outside her window. She’s an engaged seagull.

Me: Yes.

Nell: Malcolm asked him politely to stop and he refused. So here we are.

Me: Baguettes at dawn.

Nell: Well, at mid morning.

Me: My money is on Malcolm. These shy types can surprise you when provoked.

Nell: The worst thing is Romeo has Stephen Seagull’s blessing.

Me: Oh dear. I always forget he’s Susan’s biological father.

Nell: I know. Count Bingo is supporting Malcolm. He’s brought the troops.

Me: I wondered what all the flamingos were doing here.

Nell: Unfortunately Stephen has summoned the Beefies.

Me: This could be war.

Nell: You see what you started.

Me: But it’s got nothing to do with me.

Nell: Please stick to reporting the facts in future.

Me: Dave just walked past wearing a colander on his head carrying a giant sausage roll.

Nell: At least it wasn’t Gladys in my handbag.

Me: Gladys is already in position.

Nell: With, or without the Welsh corgi choir?

Me: With, and the Whippets Institute minibus has just pulled into the car park. Sorry.

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