Me: What are you doing?
Nell: I am watching out for Beefies. If you see any large seagulls with beards look away.
Me: Why? What’s happened?
Nell: The Cat asked for a bacon sandwich.
Me: The Cat hates bacon. It only ever eats dainty sandwiches. Preferably smoked salmon with the crusts off.
Nell: Exactly. When I suggested salmon it looked at me in disgust and said ‘Nej tack’.
Me: What does that mean?
Nell: ‘No, thank you’ in Swedish.
Me: The Cat is speaking Swedish?
Nell: Yes. It has something to do with that awful Sven Gully. I know it has.
Me: But how?
Nell: I don’t know yet, but it is getting worse.
Me: What else has happened?
Nell: The Cat wants all sequins removed from our hard hats and safety vests.
Me: No.
Nell: It says they are too shiny.
Me: Nothing is too shiny for The Cat.
Nell: That’s what I thought.
Me: But The Cat loves colour and pizzazz.
Nell: Not anymore. Gladys is in tears and David has hidden his sequinned jacket under his pillow. Poppy is taking the chandelier down as we speak.
Me: What about Harriet?
Nell: She’s down at the quay drinking Aquavit with the Beefies and throwing prawns at visitors.
Me: No. Harriet would never do such a thing.
Nell: When David asked her to stop she just said ‘ På din cykel, stor pojke‘.
Me: That sounds awfully rude.
Nell: It’s ‘On your bike, big boy’.
Me: Was he on a bike?
Nell: No. That’s not the point. Did The Cat just walk past eating a hot dog?
Me: Yes.
Nell: Please tell me it wasn’t wearing beige shorts?
Me: I’m afraid so, and socks and sandals. Sorry.
