Keep your eye on the sky

Me: What are you doing?

Nell: I am watching out for Beefies. If you see any large seagulls with beards look away.

Me: Why? What’s happened?

Nell: The Cat asked for a bacon sandwich.

Me: The Cat hates bacon. It only ever eats dainty sandwiches. Preferably smoked salmon with the crusts off.

Nell: Exactly. When I suggested salmon it looked at me in disgust and said ‘Nej tack’.

Me: What does that mean?

Nell: ‘No, thank you’ in Swedish.

Me: The Cat is speaking Swedish?

Nell: Yes. It has something to do with that awful Sven Gully. I know it has.

Me: But how?

Nell: I don’t know yet, but it is getting worse.

Me: What else has happened?

Nell: The Cat wants all sequins removed from our hard hats and safety vests.

Me: No.

Nell: It says they are too shiny.

Me: Nothing is too shiny for The Cat.

Nell: That’s what I thought.

Me: But The Cat loves colour and pizzazz.

Nell: Not anymore. Gladys is in tears and David has hidden his sequinned jacket under his pillow. Poppy is taking the chandelier down as we speak.

Me: What about Harriet?

Nell: She’s down at the quay drinking Aquavit with the Beefies and throwing prawns at visitors.

Me: No. Harriet would never do such a thing.

Nell: When David asked her to stop she just said ‘ din cykel, stor pojke‘.

Me: That sounds awfully rude.

Nell: It’s ‘On your bike, big boy’.

Me: Was he on a bike?

Nell: No. That’s not the point. Did The Cat just walk past eating a hot dog?

Me: Yes.

Nell: Please tell me it wasn’t wearing beige shorts?

Me: I’m afraid so, and socks and sandals. Sorry.

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