Do keep up

Nell: Savoiardi is at the door. Lie low.

Me: Who?

Nell: Savoiardi. The evil boss of NOIR.

Me: You mean Sponge Finger? No. It’s only that French rook Tour de France. He’s probably collecting Dave.

Nell: Were you actually in the Family meeting yesterday?

Me: To be honest all those facts and figures about diamond smuggling were a bit too much so my mind started to wander.

Nell: Tour de France is Savoiardi. Now, Mutley is going to answer the door while David and Harriet get changed. He is project managing, as agreed, because Sally is away and Charlie is unwell.

Me: Sally’s timing is a bit off. Leaving us to deal with all this. Why is Harriet getting changed?

Nell: Savoiardi is here to take Mademoiselle Écarlate to finalise plans for her trip to France with Madame Odile.

Me: Who is Mademoiselle Écarlate again?

Nell: Good grief. Harriet is Mademoiselle Écarlate and supposedly spying on Sally but she is actually working as a double agent for MI5 to overthrow NOIR, the Notorious Organisation of International Rooks.

Me: And Madame Odile?

Nell: She is a black swan who runs the French bakery Oiseau Noir in Kingsbridge. It’s a front for smuggling diamonds hidden in baguettes and delivered by the Beefies, an evil gang of seagulls. Do keep up.

Me: Why are they going to France?

Nell: There is a meeting in Brittany for all the heads of NOIR.

Me: I don’t think Harriet should go.

Nell: We’ve been through this. Charlie and Sally have faith in Harriet and so should we.

Me: I think Dave might have his costumes mixed up.

Nell: Why?

Me: He just walked past wearing a false moustache and a beret, carrying a surfboard and your handbag.

Nell: Please tell me Gladys isn’t dressed as a mermaid.

Me: That’s an impressive sequinned tail.

Nell: Good grief.

Me: Sorry.

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