Me: Please look at me, Nell.
Nell: No. You are behaving with reckless abandonment.
Me: I’m just going to visit my sister.
Nell: You are turning your back on medical advice and travelling across the country.
Me: It’s Buckinghamshire, not Scotland.
Nell: And you are not taking me with you.
Me: I’m going by train, Nell. You wouldn’t like it.
Nell: Have I ever been on a train?
Nell: So you don’t actually know then. I rest my case.
Me: I need you to look after everyone.
Nell: Exactly. It’s always the same. You throw caution to the wind and I am left picking up the pieces.
Me: I booked this ages ago and I miss her and the boys.
Nell: What boys?
Me: Seamus, Boo and Nigel.
Nell: Are you talking about Naughty Nigel the Welsh labrador with soft blonde hair?
Me: I am.
Nell: A close friend of No Good Boyo’s?
Nell: And Irish Seamus the terrier with a quick temper and curly ginger hair?
Me: He says he’s a strawberry blonde.
Nell: And handsome boy Boo?
Me: Yes, the labrador with soft black hair.
Nell: I don’t care about his hair.
Me: You mentioned everyone else’s.
Nell: You better finish packing and I will break the news to the twins.
Me: Oh dear.
Nell: Poppy has made you a picnic to eat on the train. Sandwiches with the crusts cut off, a few scones, a slice of cake and a flask of tea.
Me: How kind.
Nell: I have added a photo of us all. Just in case.
Me: I’ll miss you but it’s only until Sunday.
Nell: It’s a shame you’ll miss the party tomorrow but I will tell you all about it.
Me: What party?
Nell: Count Bingo and the Flamingos are performing. Poppy says there will be steak for everyone. Except Malcolm, of course, he is happy with prawns.
Me: Don’t forget to keep in touch. It’s a long journey so I will be checking my phone.
Nell: Of course I’ll be in touch. I’m in charge of your recovery. I expect regular updates. Just because you behave irresponsibly does not mean I have to do the same.
Nell: Now wrap up warmly as it’s cold out there. Give them all my love and don’t worry I have everything under control.
Me: Yes. Sorry.