Nell: So, I’ve been checking your notes and Nurse David is not happy with your progress.

Me: It’s only a cold, Nell.

Nell: It says here: “The patient keeps sneezing and is very sniffly.”

Me: Yes.

Nell: “And also has an annoying cough.”

Me: That’s not a very caring remark if I may say so.

Nell: “The patient is grumpy and easily annoyed.”

Me: Dave woke me by licking the side of my face.

Nell: He was checking your temperature. It is part of his duties.

Me: But I was asleep.

Nell: Nurse Harriet is taking over now. Malcolm has made you a light chicken broth for lunch. Poppy would appreciate your comments on presentation, texture and flavour.

Me: Can’t I just eat it? I’m not well.

Nell: Malcolm has spent all morning preparing it. I would have thought giving a little feedback is the least you can do. Greg Walrus and John the Toad do it all the time.

Me: I’m not a Masterchef judge, though, am I?

Nell: For that we are most grateful. There will be home made ice cream and jelly for dessert. Gentle on the throat.

Me: That sounds good. Thank you.

Nell: Finally some appreciation. Nurse Harriet will tend to your needs and Doctor Mutley is on call.

Me: At least The Cat and Gladys aren’t part of the medical team.

Nell: They are restricted to visiting hours and will be here this afternoon. I believe The Cat has made you a sequinned blanket and Gladys is performing a soothing dance.

Me: I can’t wait.

Nell: I shall be popping in and out as required. Now drink your tea and let us look after you.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

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