Nell: So, I’ve been checking your notes and Nurse David is not happy with your progress.
Me: It’s only a cold, Nell.
Nell: It says here: “The patient keeps sneezing and is very sniffly.”
Nell: “And also has an annoying cough.”
Me: That’s not a very caring remark if I may say so.
Nell: “The patient is grumpy and easily annoyed.”
Me: Dave woke me by licking the side of my face.
Nell: He was checking your temperature. It is part of his duties.
Me: But I was asleep.
Nell: Nurse Harriet is taking over now. Malcolm has made you a light chicken broth for lunch. Poppy would appreciate your comments on presentation, texture and flavour.
Me: Can’t I just eat it? I’m not well.
Nell: Malcolm has spent all morning preparing it. I would have thought giving a little feedback is the least you can do. Greg Walrus and John the Toad do it all the time.
Me: I’m not a Masterchef judge, though, am I?
Nell: For that we are most grateful. There will be home made ice cream and jelly for dessert. Gentle on the throat.
Me: That sounds good. Thank you.
Nell: Finally some appreciation. Nurse Harriet will tend to your needs and Doctor Mutley is on call.
Me: At least The Cat and Gladys aren’t part of the medical team.
Nell: They are restricted to visiting hours and will be here this afternoon. I believe The Cat has made you a sequinned blanket and Gladys is performing a soothing dance.
Me: I can’t wait.
Nell: I shall be popping in and out as required. Now drink your tea and let us look after you.
Me: Yes. Sorry.