What are we going to do about Malcolm?

Nell: I was just explaining to Harriet that Malcolm probably can’t stay.

Me: Why? I don’t think I have ever met a more polite flamingo in my life.

Nell: You don’t know any other flamingos.

Me: I know the ones that keep shouting outside.

Nell: They want Malcolm to come home.

Me: I don’t think Malcolm wants to go home.

Nell: Harriet agrees with you. She and Malcolm had a heart to heart last night after Strictly.

Me: Did they?

Nell: Yes. Apparently Malcolm’s heart is not in it. He is struggling with being a real flamingo. He is so much smaller and quieter.

Me: He loved it when Dave and The Cat danced the samba.

Nell: Yes. But a real flamingo would have joined in. Malcolm was much happier watching from the sidelines.

Me: Maybe that’s why he wears glasses.

Nell: What on earth are you talking about? He wears glasses because he is short sighted.

Me: Where is he now?

Nell: Helping Poppy prepare the Sunday roast. We are having chicken.

Me: He’s not going to eat one of his own, Nell.

Nell: Of course he isn’t. Poppy is making him a crab risotto. One of the Dartmouth dachshunds had a crab to spare so David’s driven over to pick it up on his motorbike.

Me: Did Gladys go in the sidecar?

Nell: Yes, and The Cat. It’s the Dartmouth Food Fair so they are having a look around while they are there.

Me: Good idea.

Nell: Harriet says life is tough for the lesser flamingos. The greater flamingos boss them around.

Me: Do you think Malcolm is part of the hostile takeover?

Nell: We don’t know.

Me: I think he should be allowed to stay.

Nell: Mutley is going to have a quiet word with him after lunch. He will report back and there will be a family vote.

Me: I’m voting for Malcolm.

Nell: Have you considered the fact that Malcolm might be a spy?

Me: Isn’t he too pink and polite to be a spy?

Nell: I’m not even going to answer that question.

Me: Sorry.

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