Me: Oh dear. I know that look.
Nell: It’s one thing after another at the moment.
Nell: Poppy packed a small picnic for Gladys and the chihuahuas to take to this morning’s rehearsal.
Me: That’s kind. Just a few snacks, then?
Nell: No, a proper picnic, but small. Fairy cakes, tiny sandwiches, mini quiches.
Me: I see. Lovely.
Nell: Not really. The farm dogs ate them.
Me: The chihuahuas?
Nell: No, the picnic. You fool.
Me: I was worried for a moment.
Nell: David and the surfers got involved and so did Jim and the farm dogs. There was a lot of name calling and shouting about canapés and poor starving chihuahuas. A few fairy cakes were thrown.
Me: Oh dear.
Nell: But now they’ve all arranged to meet on the beach later.
Me: For a Rumble? I knew it. There is going to be a fight and Jim’s brother Ruff will die and Jim will stab David and he will die and then someone, I’m not sure who, will shoot Jim and he will die.
Nell: Excuse me?
Me: And Harriet will be left alone singing sadly about “Somewhere” and everyone will be very sorry, especially Gladys who told a wicked lie.
Nell: Good grief! Have you been drinking? Calm down. They are just having a barbecue on the beach. Jim and the farm dogs apologised and have organised it for everyone so we can relax before the dress rehearsal tomorrow. Honestly, you get carried away sometimes.
Me: Can I come?
Nell: Only if you promise to behave. Ron Gilbert is bringing the Australian cattle dogs as they know their way around a barbecue.
Me: Well, if we are having a barbie this arvo then I’d better put a few beers in my Esky.
Nell: If that was your attempt at Australian slang I would stop right now. You are an embarrassment. You have been watching far too many episodes of “Neighbours”.
Me: Yes, sorry.