Me: It’s good to see you all together but you look very serious.
Nell: Yes, we had a family meeting and have made a few decisions.
Me: What about?
Nell: You.
Me: Oh dear.
Nell: I’ve booked you in with Sophie to have your hair done.
Me: I don’t like going to the hairdressers. I hate staring at myself.
Nell: Bad luck. You will thank me later. It’s owned by a charming Jack Russell called Doug who runs the salon like clockwork. He is looking forward to meeting you.
Me: Ok.
Nell: You are also getting new sandals.
Me: I didn’t know I needed them.
Nell: I’m afraid David ate your favourite sandals this morning.
Me: What?
Nell: He is willing to give you his best hat but I felt new sandals might be best.
Me: He ate Alice’s favourite sandals last week.
Nell: Yes, I am considering therapy for him but to be honest you simply need to keep the door shut.
Me: I might as well open an account at the shoe shop.
Nell: I think you will find you already have. They certainly knew who you were when I called them this morning.
Me: Oh dear.
Nell: Tomorrow evening you and Kev are going out for an anniversary dinner.
Me: It was our anniversary on Monday.
Nell: Yes, but you had to stay at Heathrow. I have booked your favourite table.
Me: You are so kind, Nell, thank you.
Nell: No need. We are family.
Me: Just like Sister Sledge.
Nell: Do not start singing.
Me: Sorry.
