The Welcoming Home Committee

Me: It’s good to see you all together but you look very serious.

Nell: Yes, we had a family meeting and have made a few decisions.

Me: What about?

Nell: You.

Me: Oh dear.

Nell: I’ve booked you in with Sophie to have your hair done.

Me: I don’t like going to the hairdressers. I hate staring at myself.

Nell: Bad luck. You will thank me later. It’s owned by a charming Jack Russell called Doug who runs the salon like clockwork. He is looking forward to meeting you.

Me: Ok.

Nell: You are also getting new sandals.

Me: I didn’t know I needed them.

Nell: I’m afraid David ate your favourite sandals this morning.

Me: What?

Nell: He is willing to give you his best hat but I felt new sandals might be best.

Me: He ate Alice’s favourite sandals last week.

Nell: Yes, I am considering therapy for him but to be honest you simply need to keep the door shut.

Me: I might as well open an account at the shoe shop.

Nell: I think you will find you already have. They certainly knew who you were when I called them this morning.

Me: Oh dear.

Nell: Tomorrow evening you and Kev are going out for an anniversary dinner.

Me: It was our anniversary on Monday.

Nell: Yes, but you had to stay at Heathrow. I have booked your favourite table.

Me: You are so kind, Nell, thank you.

Nell: No need. We are family.

Me: Just like Sister Sledge.

Nell: Do not start singing.

Me: Sorry.

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