Nell: So there I am in the Royal Box enjoying my strawberries and cream when my phone rings.
Me: How embarrassing.
Nell: Quite. Anyway, it’s Gareth so I have to answer.
Me: Southgate? The England manager?
Nell: Yes, of course. You know we’ve been in touch a lot recently. He’s been desperate for me to join him out there but as I explained we’ve been having a few problems with seagulls and I can’t miss Wimbledon.
Me: Of course not.
Nell: Anyway, I thought it was another question about the lineup but no, it was just to let me know that David had arrived safely in Russia.
Nell: Apparently David contacted him and said I was happy for him to go in my place.
Me: How did he get there?
Nell: Poppy chartered a jet and flew him over. Mutley selflessly decided to stay home with Harriet.
Me: What did you say?
Nell: I choked on my champagne but managed to compose myself and pretended it was fine. David is family so has to be supported even when he is behaving outrageously.
Nell: It was hard to concentrate after that. So after Edmund’s defeat I asked James to drive me home.
Me: The football match was so exciting, Nell.
Nell: Yes, I tried to follow it on my phone but we kept losing the signal. Vodabone need to sort that out, or I am changing providers.
Me: Did you hear anymore from Dave?
Nell: Oh yes. They rang me after the match. Poppy had made scones and they were all enjoying them with a glass of beer. Dreadful combination.
Nell: Anyway, David bonded with Pickford over a scone and now he thinks he should stay in Russia and become a goalie.
Me: He’d make a good goalie. He has the height.
Nell: You are missing the point. That animal is not staying in Russia. Gallivanting cannot be rewarded. Poppy is flying him home today and they should be back soon. I know she wants to cook this evening.
Me: It’s ever so hot, Nell and she might be tired.
Nell: Poppy makes her own decisions. Sundays are roast days. Can you pass me the papers, please?
Me: You might want to skip the Daily Growl?
Nell: Why? I don’t believe it. David is on the front. “Gareth’s secret weapon flies out to join the team. David Martin has been advising Southgate for several weeks and joined him at yesterday’s quarter final.”
Me: You know how the Daily Growl likes to exaggerate. It’s a lovely photo though, isn’t it and Dave is family?
Nell: Just stop. Advisor, indeed.
Me: Yes, nobody will believe a labrador could advise the England manager.
Nell: I beg your pardon?
Me: Apart from you, of course. Sorry.