Dominic Simmons

Nell: Dominic Simmons is the limit.

Me: Why?

Nell: I thought we were invited to dinner but we ended up on the shopping channel.

Me: What happened?

Nell: We started with canapés followed by fish, everything was from Barks and Spencer of course, but that’s fine with me. We can’t all have Poppy’s skill in the kitchen.

Me: Quite.

Nell: I was introduced to Dominic Simmons. An insipid sort of cat with pale eyes, a high voice and shiny shoes.

Me: Oh.

Nell: Apparently he runs the jewellers in town. The animal won’t stop talking, so by the time dessert arrived, Creme brûlée by the way, most of us had lost the will to live.

Me: Oh dear.

Nell: David had made a hat out of his napkin and was playing iSpy with Poppy when suddenly Dominic Simmons produced a huge case from under the table filled with jewellery and began to talk prices.

Me: No!

Nell: The Cat pranced around modelling various pieces including a pair of diamond earrings it told Mutley it simply had to have.

Me: What did Mutley say?

Nell: He was not happy and neither were the bulldog twins. I mean there is a time and a place. I’m sure we have all been to those parties where you end up buying plastic containers for a wedge of lemon, or four peas and never use them again.

Me: I know the ones.

Nell: Mutley remained polite and explained now was not the time and he would pay Dominic Simmons a visit the next day.

Me: Sounds a bit ominous.

Nell: Yes, I wondered. David was very taken with a gold medallion but Harriet quietly persuaded him it might get in the way of his surfing. Reggie and Ronnie wear them, of course, but they have their own style.

Me: Did anyone buy anything?

Nell: No. Poppy came close to buying a jewel encrusted dagger but fortunately decided against it.

Me: Her sword is enough.

Nell: Yes. After the coffee and port we said our goodbyes and left. I could still hear Dominic Simmons whining on as I was walking away.

Me: What was The Cat thinking of by inviting him?

Nell: I can only imagine it gets commission.

Me: Probably. So was Dominic Simmons from here?

Nell: No. He is originally from Plymouth. I believe they have quite a large Siamese community.

Me: I only really know them from Lady and the Tramp. “We are Siamese if you please.”

Nell: Well, that says it all. You live in a fictional world.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

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