Me: What are the puppies doing?
Nell: Practising their bearing skills and waiting for Tony. I gave them a sock. David tends to pull.
Me: Well, he is a lot bigger than Harriet.
Nell: I knew this was a bad idea.
Me: What are they going to be bearing?
Nell: Don’t ask. They all embarrassed me yesterday you know.
Me: What happened?
Nell: I was busy Skyping Harry and Meghan when David arrived in a top hat.
Me: A top hat!
Nell: Harriet was only wearing my circlet of flowers thank goodness. Meghan thought they were darlings. Her words.
Me: Where did he get it from?
Nell: My hat lady. She brought over a selection for me to try on and I can only think David charmed his way into a top hat. So then he proceeded to charm Meghan too.
Me: Oh dear. I hope Harry didn’t mind.
Nell: Oh no. He and Harriet hit it off immediately. Same name and similar hair.
Nell: It was all going surprisingly well until Poppy walked in with the sword.
Me: I thought it had been confiscated.
Nell: The wretched animal found it and was wearing her St. George’s outfit too.
Me: Oh no!
Nell: I apologised but fortunately they found it entertaining.
Me: What a relief.
Nell: It was, until Mutley started singing. I mean don’t get me wrong. He used to be able to give a fine rendition of “My Way” but since his hearing went he can go off tune.
Me: Were they shocked?
Nell: Not at all. They started dancing.
Me: How lovely of them.
Nell: The puppies joined in and then Poppy started swinging her sword.
Me: Oh no!
Nell: And the next moment she had cut the top off David’s hat.
Me: That’s hilarious.
Nell: Fortunately they thought so too. They were crying with laughter.
Me: I bet they were.
Nell: I had to put a stop to it all.
Me: You did?
Nell: Health and Safety. It could have been David’s head. That sword is going to a charity shop.
Me: Very wise.
Nell: Now the puppies are convinced that they should be the ring bearers.
Me: They would be perfect.
Nell: Don’t be ridiculous. Meghan has enough problems on her plate with that half brother of hers trying to wangle an invitation. I’ve had her on the phone twice already today.
Me: Perhaps the puppies could carry her flowers? Not the bridal bouquet obviously. That would be too risky.
Nell: Risky? Next you’ll be suggesting that Poppy and her sword stand next to Harry.
Me: Now that is risky.
Nell: Enough. My phone’s ringing again.
Me: Yes. Sorry.