Me: Harriet looks awfully tired today.

Nell: I told her Eurovision goes on until late but she and David wouldn’t listen.

Me: What did you think?

Nell: I was deeply shocked when someone jumped on stage during the UK’s performance. She did well to recover. There is no need for such bad behaviour. Poor girl.

Me: Yes. Hardly any points for us again though.

Nell: It was all about staging this year. Poppy’s favourite won. Mad woman from Israel with Princess Leia hair but I appreciated the homage to Björk who is a favourite of mine.

Me: Now that surprises me.

Nell: Harriet liked Germany. A nice red headed boy with a sweet song. Ed doesn’t need to worry, though.

Me: And Dave?

Nell: David was captivated by a sparkly woman from Cyprus with big hair. He keeps singing Fuego. She came second.

Me: Did Mutley watch?

Nell: Well, he can’t hear so he slept through most of it.

Me: What about you?

Nell: There were some rather attractive bearded Vikings stamping their feet who caught my eye.

Me: So it was an enjoyable evening?

Nell: Yes. Poppy and I took a sip of our drink any time anything nautical was mentioned so I am feeling a little fragile. Portugal has a lot of sea.

Me: How did your Skype call with the royal couple go?

Nell: It’s this afternoon. Harry and Meghan have asked to meet the puppies and I need time to teach them the correct way to behave in front of royalty.

Me: Curtseying must be hard with four legs.

Nell: Labradors do not curtsey. We bow. The front legs are lowered while the back legs remain standing.

Me: Of course. Sorry.

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