Me: Could we have a quick word?
Nell: I’m checking the hole in the carpet.
Me: It’s been there for years, Nell. Harriet did it when she was a puppy.
Nell: It seems larger.
Me: I’d like to discuss your recent diva barking.
Nell: Last night was a tremendous success, wasn’t it?
Me: Stop trying to change the subject.
Nell: Anton du Bark was extremely impressed.
Me: You’ve started barking first thing in the morning demanding attention.
Nell: Malcolm and Susan’s Cha-Cha was a sight to behold and Mrs King and Beauregard’s Samba was extraordinary. Those big cats are light on their paws.
Me: It’s not fair on those of us still trying to sleep.
Nell: Harriet and Jim’s waltz was simply exquisite.
Me: Kev and I did well, too, considering.
Nell: Considering you got yourself tangled up in your feather boa?
Me: I’d never danced the Quickstep before. It was exhausting. I can barely move this morning.
Nell: The surprise of the night has to be Stephen Seagull and Miss Penny Lanes’s Argentine Tango.
Me: Who knew seagulls could be so bendy?
Nell: It was certainly aggressive.
Me: But nothing could beat Dave and Sally’s American Smooth. Talk about ‘Puttin’ On The Ritz.’
Nell: David suits a top hat and tails.
Me: Darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy.
Nell: Sally is the perfect partner. They deserved to win.
Me: Manuel’s guest performance was quite a revelation.
Nell: I can’t say I was expecting an octopus to breakdance.
Me: Or Gladys and the llamas to join in.
Nell: I’m not sure that was planned.
Me: Anyway, back to the barking.
Nell: We’ve no time to chat. I can hear the Welsh Corgi Choir warming up for Sunday Songs and we can’t leave them out in the cold alone.
Me: No. Sorry.