Me: Have you heard anything from Rupert?
Nell: Nobody has heard anything for days.
Me: It’s not like him at all.
Nell: The llamas have been delivering his newspapers. Badly.
Me: Oh dear.
Nell: They seem to think they can just throw them at people.
Me: They probably think they’re in the United States.
Nell: Just because they line dance and wear the occasional cowboy hat doesn’t mean they’ve turned North American.
Me: Never mind.
Nell: Anyway, we can’t waste time chatting. I need you to be up and doing.
Me: But it’s Saturday.
Nell: Rupert is missing and we need to launch a search party.
Me: I think you might be overreacting, Nell.
Nell: I’ve organised Missing posters and I need them distributed countrywide.
Me: Did you say countrywide? Or countywide?
Nell: Countrywide. He may not be in Devon.
Me: Goodness me.
Nell: We’ll start with the UK but we might need to expand our search.
Me: Are you expecting me to drive around the UK with posters?
Nell: Don’t be ridiculous. I want you to put them up in the village.
Me: That’s a relief.
Nell: I’ve reported Rupert as Missing to PC Panda so the police are on the case.
Me: Good to know.
Nell: Owl Pacino and Count Bingo Flamingo are covering the air and Princess. Sir Roger Blubbery and the Navy Seals are covering the sea.
Me: Gosh. You’ve been busy.
Nell: Henry and Horst are coordinating everything with the help of the VSA.
Me: VSA?
Nell: Very Small Animals. Do keep up.
Me: Can I see the poster?
Nell: Here it is.
Me: It’s missing some important information.
Nell: What?
Me: It just says ‘Contact Nell Martin’. What if people don’t know who you are?
Nell: Everyone knows who I am.
Me: Right. Sorry.
