Me: What are you doing?
Nell: Listening.
Me: Listening to what?
Nell: Stanley Smoochy and Herr Hoffmann.
Me: Why is Stanley here?
Nell: Lionel brought him over for his interview.
Me: Lionel King?
Nell: Yes. I told you Stanley was staying with him.
Me: I don’t want that lion here.
Nell: He’s just helping Stanley with his interview.
Me: What interview?
Nell: The one with Herr Hoffmann about the job as sous chef.
Me: Lionel isn’t a chef.
Nell: No, but he speaks Italian so he can translate.
Me: Does he?
Nell: Yes, he’s had a close Italian friend for years, if you must know.
Me: It wouldn’t be a rook, would it?
Nell: It would, but don’t start all that NOIR nonsense again.
Me: The Notorious Organisation of International Rooks.
Nell: Yes, I know what it means.
Me: Lionel’s friend Sponge Finger wants to get a foot in our door.
Nell: I beg your pardon?
Me: Sponge Finger, aka Savoiardi, Head of NOIR.
Nell: I know who he is.
Me: Lionel and Sponge Finger have been using Stanley to get to us.
Nell: What?
Me: They’ve been tempting us with spaghetti bolognese and other Italian dishes.
Nell: Stanley just enjoys cooking.
Me: That’s what he wants you to think.
Nell: We’re not the only ones eating his food.
Me: We’re the only ones with a spy in the family and the Head of MI5 as our girlfriend.
Nell: Sally is David’s fiancée.
Me: And you’re all Labradors and Labradors are driven by food.
Nell: Sally’s a Golden Retriever and we don’t know the rook is Sponge Finger.
Me: Of course he is. This whole plan has NOIR written all over it.
Nell: Stanley just wants to cook and we love his food.
Me: You’re going to regret this. Sorry.
