Me: I’m glad Nigel has a best friend at home.
Nell: Even if it’s a cat?
Me: Look at them both enjoying themselves in front of the fire. Sweet boys.
Nell: Please don’t refer to that animal as sweet.
Me: Xav the Cat is lovely when you get to know him.
Nell: No, thank you.
Me: He’s ever so cuddly.
Nell: Excuse me?
Me: What?
Nell: Are you saying you’ve cuddled a cat?
Me: Of course I’ve cuddled a cat. I love cats.
Nell: I meant recently.
Me: Xav the Cat and I have had a few cuddles.
Nell: Unbelievable. David told me you smelt of cat but I struggled to believe it.
Me: Don’t be so dramatic. Talking of Dave, could you have a word with him about Nighttime Cuddles?
Nell: Nighttime Cuddles?
Me: He’s started snuggling right up to me at night and it’s a bit much.
Nell: I thought you enjoyed a Cuddle?
Me: He’s pushing me out of my own bed.
Nell: Clever animal.
Me: I wake up boiling hot on the edge of the mattress.
Nell: Securing his Territory. Good move.
Me: It’s my territory.
Nell: Is anyone else on the bed?
Me: Yes, Harriet. Kev’s downstairs with you.
Nell: Well, that explains it.
Me: Does it?
Nell: Yes. David and Harriet are simply maintaining their authority.
Me: What authority?
Nell: Chief Cuddlers. They can’t have anyone else muscling in.
Me: Nobody is muscling in. I just want my bed back.
Nell: You only have yourself to blame.
Me: Why?
Nell: If you’re going to cuddle cats you must expect consequences.
Me: It’s got nothing to do with cats.
Nell: That’s what you think.
Me: Did you plan this?
Nell: We have to stop you going over to the dark side too.
Me: Right. Sorry.
