Me: I’m so glad Sally has arrived.

Nell: So am I.

Me: Dave’s face was priceless when he saw her.

Nell: David could have shown a little more composure.

Me: He actually squealed in delight.

Nell: I know. I heard him. The whole village did.

Me: And then he ran around the house looking for something to bring her.

Nell: I’m not sure she wanted a tea towel.

Me: She didn’t mind. She just smiled and said, ‘Oh, Davey.’

Nell: Yes.

Me: They’ve really missed each other.

Nell: It certainly seems that way.

Me: Do you know Sally’s plans?

Nell: She wants to meet Lady Anwen. I thought afternoon tea might be a good idea.

Me: What about dinner?

Nell: David is taking Sally to our local pub.

Me: Kev and I were thinking of going there too.

Nell: Well, don’t gatecrash their evening. It’s supposed to be romantic.

Me: I wouldn’t dream of it. I can be romantic, by the way.

Nell: You’re not invited.

Me: We’ll sit somewhere else. Don’t worry.

Nell: No photos. I know what you’re like.

Me: I’ll try not to take any.

Nell: Trying is not enough.

Me: Sally’s met Lady Anwen before, hasn’t she?

Nell: Yes, but not Nice Lady Anwen.

Me: I’m sure they’ll get on well.

Nell: Nice Lady Anwen seems to get on with everyone. The Cat’s even invited her to join our Bridge Club.

Me: Maybe she really has changed?

Nell: It’s possible.

Me: I hope you’re not inviting that dreadful lion to tea.

Nell: I am, as a matter of fact. It did him the world of good last time he was here. He even washed and combed his mane.

Me: I don’t trust him, Nell.

Nell: We’re giving Lady Anwen a second chance.

Me: You’re right. Sorry.

Nell: Jonathan loves reading, doesn’t he?

Me: Yes, and making up stories in his head.

Nell: Just like his Granny.

Me: Yes. I can’t believe he’s nine today,

Nell: You always say that when someone has a birthday.

Me: It was only yesterday he was a baby.

Nell: It really wasn’t. I like the photos.

Me: They were taken on our holiday to Canada. He absolutely loved the aquarium.

Nell: Who is that dog?

Me: I told you about her. Her name is Peggy and she lives in Toronto. She made friends with us at the station when we were travelling to Niagara Falls.

Nell: Oh yes. I’ve written a poem.

Me: How lovely.

Nell: Would you like me to read it?

Me: Very much.

Nell: Here it is:

‘Bring out the dinosaurs! 

Bring out the sharks!

Let there be Lego! 

And let there be barks!

Today is a day

To have a good time.

Because today is the day

Jonathan turns nine.’

‘Did you say nine?’

‘I did, my friend.’

‘But nine is old.

It’s almost ten.

Nearly double figures.’

‘Yes, it’s true.

Pass me some paper 

And a bottle of glue.’

‘Why glue?’

I’m making a birthday hat.’

‘For Jonathan?’

‘Yes, it’s not for The Cat.

Harriet has one

And so does Nell.

And Nigel and Dave

Have one as well.’

‘Will there be eggs

Cos he loves them the most?’

‘Yes. Boiled and fried

And scrambled

On toast.’

‘Look Granny is waving

And Grandpa is, too.

They are all saying

Happy Birthday to you!’

Me: He’s going to love it.

Nell: Good. I’m glad.

Me: I wish I was there with him.

Nell: You are in spirit.

Me: I hope he knows how much he’s loved.

Nell: He knows. Trust me.

Me: Of course he does. Sorry.

Nell: Why did you choose that photo of me? It’s not very flattering.

Me: You look happy, Nell.

Nell: I don’t have any ears.

Me: Nonsense. I like it.

Nell: I’d never have been chosen as Mrs Hudson if I looked like that.

Me: You do look like that.

Nell: Sherlock Bones’s housekeeper has to have ears.

Me: You do have ears.

Nell: Moving on, if you see a French Poodle wandering about the house today don’t be alarmed.

Me: I beg your pardon?

Nell: She’s Harriet’s dialect coach.

Me: Why does Harriet need a dialect coach?

Nell: She’s French.

Me: Yes, you just told me.

Nell: No, Harriet is French. She’s the Mysterious Mademoiselle. Remember?

Me: Oh yes. Sally should really be the Mysterious Mademoiselle.

Nell: Why?

Me: She probably falls in love with Dave.

Nell: Have you read the script?

Me: Not yet.

Nell: Well, I happen to know it’s not David.

Me: Thank goodness for that.

Nell: It’s Dominic Slumberbox.

Me: The Irish Wolfhound?

Nell: Yes.

Me: Staying at the Stately Home with Stephen Seagull?

Nell: Yes.

Me: Harriet can’t fall in love with him. He’s not to be trusted.

Nell: He’s Sherlock Bones.

Me: He’s a movie star. They have a different girl in every port.

Nell: Firstly, this is a village not a port and secondly you’re talking about sailors.

Me: Oh yes.

Nell: And thirdly it’s only in the film. In reality Harriet is still pining for Jim the Farm Dog.

Me: Thank goodness for that.

Nell: I disagree. It’s time for her to move on. In fact, if she wants a brief dalliance with a famous film star I have nothing against it.

Me: I do. I must stop her.

Nell: You know this is all hypothetical, don’t you?

Me: Oh yes. Sorry.

Me: You can see why Nigel was chosen to play Dr Watson, can’t you? He’s a very good looking boy.

Nell: Dr Watson isn’t supposed to be good looking.

Me: No, but good looks always help when you’re a movie star.

Nell: True.

Me: Talking of good looks and movie stars one of the all time greats died yesterday.

Nell: Who?

Me: Robert Redford. I had his photo on my wall as a teenager. I absolutely adored him.

Nell: What was your favourite film of his?

Me: ‘The Way We Were’ with Barbra Streisand. He wasn’t only impossibly handsome, he had a special way of being annoyed which was completely irresistible.

Nell: Annoyed?

Me: You should watch the film.

Nell: I prefer ‘Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.’

Me: So you know who I’m talking about?

Nell: Everybody knows Robert Redford.

Me: It’s the end of an era.

Nell: It is.

Me: Nigel is blonde and handsome but he isn’t Robert Redford.

Nell: Don’t go calling him handsome around David, please. He’s the Handsome Hound.

Me: Did you know that Robert Redford was turned down as the lead in ‘The Graduate’ because he was too handsome?

Nell: I did not.

Me: The director said nobody would believe he couldn’t get any girl he wanted.

Nell: David only has eyes for Sally.

Me: Is she coming for the weekend?

Nell: Yes. As soon as Harriet told her David was missing her she said ‘Poor darling Davey’ and arranged to come down.

Me: I knew she would. He’s going to be over the moon when he sees her.

Nell: He is.

Me: Have you noticed Sally looks a lot like Grace Kelly?

Nell: No, but I’ve noticed my tea cup is empty. Would you pour me another one, please?

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: We need to call Sally.

Nell: Why? Harriet has everything under control here. There have been no sightings of Nasty Lady Anwen.

Me: It’s not about Lady Anwen. She’s Nice now. She was probably having a difficult few days.

Nell: You don’t turn Nasty because you’re going through a trying time.

Me: Some people do. Anyway, it’s not about Lady Anwen. It’s about Dave. Poor darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy.

Nell: What’s wrong with David?

Me: He’s pining for Sally. I can tell. He’s carrying his favourite toy around but there’s nobody to share it with.

Nell: He doesn’t like sharing his toy. Nigel tried taking it and that didn’t go down well at all.

Me: He’d share it with Sally.

Nell: I’m not sure Sally would want it.

Me: You know what I mean. She needs to visit him.

Nell: On second thoughts, you might be right. I’ll ask Harriet to contact her.

Me: Maybe she has time this weekend?

Nell: We’ll see.

Me: We could invite Lady Anwen over so Sally could meet her herself.

Nell: Good idea. She plays Bridge, by the way.

Me: Who? Lady Anwen?

Nell: Yes. The Cat suggested we include her in our next meeting.

Me: I’m so glad everyone is being kind to her. I really think all that was wrong was she was feeling lonely.

Nell: Talking of lonely, Lionel is coming to tea this afternoon.

Me: Not that wretched lion again.

Nell: He was seen sitting alone on the beach looking out to sea with a sad face and a matted mane.

Me: By whom?

Nell: A passing Grockle. There was a photo in the Daily Growl.

Me: Don’t call the tourists ‘Grockles’, Nell. It’s disrespectful. Lionel’s fine.

Nell: He had a matted mane. Show some compassion.

Me: Sorry.

Me: Is it me, or does Dave seem a little grumpy this morning?

Nell: It’s Nigel.

Me: What’s Nigel done?

Nell: He’s taking the Dr Watson role too far.

Me: What do you mean?

Nell: You must have noticed the moustache?

Me: Yes, that has to go.

Nell: So does the constant Watching out of the Window.

Me: We were all Watching until Lady Anwen turned Nice.

Nell: She isn’t Nice.

Me: She was ever so Nice yesterday at Sunday Songs and she loved her roast beef and Yorkshire puddings.

Nell: Why on earth did you invite her to Sunday lunch?

Me: It seemed the right thing to do. She was going home to a few crackers and a piece of old cheese.

Nell: You don’t know that.

Me: She’s lonely. I can tell.

Nell: This might all be part of a cunning plan.

Me: She has a lovely singing voice.

Nell: Yes, she does.

Me: I can see why the Welsh Corgi Choir agreed to give her a chance.

Nell: I don’t like her being in the choir at all.

Me: Knitwear Wolf charmed her. I knew he would.

Nell: Rupert is charming to everyone.

Me: Maybe she’s turned over a new leaf?

Nell: Don’t bring leaves into this, please. I’m already having to deal with insects bemoaning the lack of plants in our garden.

Me: Next door has lots of trees and plants.

Nell: Which is what I said, but Henry and Horst want to keep the community together.

Me: I understand.

Nell: At least Lady Anwen’s stopped going to the bus stop.

Me: I think she was only going there to make friends.

Nell: Please stick to the facts and stop making up stories which may or may not be true.

Me: Never going to happen. Sorry.

Me: It was lovely to visit the Dog and Dash activity field again.

Nell: Yes, it was.

Me: I even managed to take some photos of you all together.

Nell: Only after you yelled at us ‘Nobody move!’.

Me: One of you is always running off.

Nell: It’s called Dog and Dash for a reason.

Me: Yes. Dog and Sit doesn’t have quite the same ring to it.

Nell: Although, nowadays I find myself sitting rather than dashing.

Me: I’m the same. Nice Lady Anwen waved at me this morning, by the way.

Nell: Really?

Me: I was looking out of my bedroom window and she saw me.

Nell: She’s not supposed to know we’re watching her. Did you wave back?

Me: Of course I did. It would have been awfully rude not to.

Nell: Good grief.

Me: She’s coming to Sunday Songs.

Nell: How do you know?

Me: She told me.

Nell: Do you mean you had a conversation?

Me: Just a short one.

Nell: Unbelievable.

Me: She wanted to change hats ready for the singing.

Nell: What singing?

Me: The singing at Sunday Songs.

Nell: The Welsh Corgi Choir are singing.

Me: I know. And Lady Anwen is a Welsh corgi.

Nell: She’s not in the choir,

Me: Not yet. I suggested she ask if there are any openings.

Nell: Openings?

Me: They might need another voice.

Nell: You suggested Lady Anwen joins the choir?

Me: Yes. She was delighted at the idea.

Nell: Why do you think Sally wants us to keep an eye on her?

Me: That’s Nasty Lady Anwen. I was talking to Nice Lady Anwen.

Nell: They’re the same animal. Has it never occurred to you that nice animals can have a nasty side, or nasty ones a nice side?

Me: Oh dear. Sorry.

Me: Harriet looks deep in thought. Do you know why?

Nell: I do and you’re not going to believe this.

Me: I might. Try me.

Nell: Harriet was on surveillance this morning and saw Nice Lady Anwen at the bus stop.

Me: But Lady Anwen isn’t nice.

Nell: She is now. She’s chatting away to the villagers and Harriet even saw her smile.

Me: I can’t believe it.

Nell: I told you, you wouldn’t.

Me: She isn’t there anymore. Did Harriet take a photo of her?

Nell: Yes, she did. Look.

Me: Gosh. She seems completely normal.

Nell: Exactly.

Me: And even a little bit fluffy.

Nell: What on earth does that mean?

Me: Look at her sweet face. I could almost cuddle her.

Nell: Don’t do that.

Me: She’ll be wanting to join the Welsh Corgi Choir next.

Nell: I hope not.

Me: Maybe she’s seen the error of her ways?

Nell: I’m not sure about that, but she certainly seems happier.

Me: I almost like Nice Lady Anwen.

Nell: Fine, as long as you remember that Nasty Lady Anwen is lurking underneath.

Me: It’s a proper mystery.

Nell: Talking of mysteries, David’s interview with the Daily Growl went extremely well.

Me: Good.

Nell: He invited the reporter to a Canadian breakfast and they ended up bonding over bacon.

Me: Sounds like Dave. Darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy. He’s so charming.

Nell: Well, he was the Mayor of Kingsbridge.

Me: Yes, I’d forgotten.

Nell: He might even become the next mayor of this village.

Me: Does it have a mayor?

Nell: Not yet.

Me: Maybe he could charm Nice Lady Anwen?

Nell: Maybe we should leave that to Harriet and Sally?

Me: Knitwear Wolf would be just her cup of tea.

Nell: Rupert is my betrothed.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: What’s Nigel doing here?

Nell: Watching the bus stop.

Me: When did he arrive?

Nell: First thing this morning. He’s covering the early shift for David.

Me: But Nigel doesn’t even live here.

Nell: He does at weekends and now and again in-between.

Me: Why can’t Dave do the early shift?

Nell: David has to get ready for his interview.

Me: Is he applying for a job?

Nell: No. It’s with a reporter from the Daily Growl about ‘Sherlock Bones and the Handsome Hound’.

Me: Are they interviewing anyone else?

Nell: Most probably, but today is all about David. It seems he has quite a fan club.

Me: I’m not surprised. Darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy. Is he nervous?

Nell: No. He’s eating pancakes in the kitchen with the maple syrup you brought with you from Canada.

Me: And bacon?

Nell: What do you think?

Me: Canadian breakfasts are delicious. Shannon made us one when we were in Toronto. Is Nigel going to stand on that chair all morning?

Nell: Yes. Why?

Me: It doesn’t seem fair. You and Harriet are resting comfortably and Dave is having breakfast.

Nell: Nigel is on duty. Needs must.

Me: But there’s nobody at the bus stop. The schoolchildren have gone to school.

Nell: Lady Anwen could arrive at any time.

Me: I think Nigel should be allowed a break. I bet you and Harriet had breakfast.

Nell: Of course we did. Canadian breakfasts are meant to be shared.

Me: We should share it with Nigel.

Nell: Nigel can’t eat and watch. He’ll get maple syrup on the furniture.

Me: I’ll watch while he’s eating,

Nell: Can you spare a few minutes?

Me: No need to rush.

Nell: Nigel is a Labrador. It’s a Canadian breakfast. He won’t need long.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Nell: What are you doing hiding under the covers?

Me: I’m afraid she’s still out there. She’s absolutely terrifying, Nell. She has teeth and everything.

Nell: Who is?

Me: Nasty Lady Anwen.

Nell: Why did you look at her? You were told to stay in bed.

Me: Dave and I thought a Quick Look wouldn’t hurt while Harriet was on the iBone to Sally.

Nell: So David saw her, too?

Me: Yes.

Nell: Well, that explains his behaviour.

Me: What do you mean?

Nell: David just dashed into the kitchen, looked around fearfully, grabbed a few slices of hot buttered toast and ran upstairs.

Me: He’s here. Under the covers with me.

Nell: Eating toast?

Me: Maybe? I can hear crunching.

Nell: Toast is not allowed to be eaten in bed.

Me: I sometimes eat it.

Nell: You use a plate and you’re not under the covers. You’re going to have crumbs everywhere.

Me: Do you think you could have a Quick Look?

Nell: Where?

Me: At the bus stop. To check she isn’t there?

Nell: If she is there she won’t be the nasty Lady Anwen. She’s only there at night.

Me: True. The schoolchildren would never wait for the bus with her around. Please look.

Nell: She’s not there.

Me: That’s a relief.

Nell: You and David can get up now. I’m calling a meeting downstairs.

Me: Why?

Nell: Because I have to talk to you all. Beefy Productions are starting filming soon and we need to be on the same page.

Me: I don’t have a part in the film, Nell. I’m not on any page.

Nell: You’re one of the writers.

Me: I think Sir Arthur Conan Doyle might have something to say about that.

Nell: Screenwriters. You’re on the team.

Me: I didn’t know. Sorry.