Me: Good morning. How are you today?

Nell: Fine. It’s lunchtime here, by the way. Not that I’m expecting much of a lunch.

Me: Is Herr Hoffmann still vegetarian?

Nell: There’s talk of chicken for dinner, but I’m not holding my breath.

Me: It’s going to be a busy day here as the Countdown has begun.

Nell: The Countdown?

Me: The Countdown to the wedding.

Nell: Oh, I see.

Me: People are arriving from all over the place.

Nell: How exciting.

Me: One of Chris’s Best Men flew in from Berlin yesterday evening and another arrives tonight.

Nell: Good.

Me: Shannon’s family are coming over to meet us this afternoon so that will be lovely.

Nell: Yes, it will. When are you visiting Marvin?

Me: I’m going to see him after the wedding is over. It’s too busy at the moment and he’s a little overwhelmed.

Nell: I know. He’s been posting a lot in our WoofsApp group.

Me: I think he’ll be glad when things calm down.

Nell: Yes. He’s a sensitive soul.

Me: Talking of sensitive. How’s Dave? Has he stopped waiting for me to come home?

Nell: Yes, but now Nigel has started.

Me: Oh dear.

Nell: And he’s waiting at his home.

Me: For me?

Nell: For anyone. It seems Waiting is all we Labradors do.

Me: Don’t start all that, Nell.

Nell: I must say I never thought I’d end up Waiting for Vegetables at my time of life, but it is what it is.

Me: Bring out the violins.

Nell: Is that Jonathan and Faye in the photo?

Me: Yes.

Nell: Are they enjoying themselves?

Me: They’re having a wonderful time. They’ve made friends with the neighbourhood children. One of them has a gorgeous dog.

Nell: I’m your gorgeous dog.

Me: Of course. Sorry.

Nell: What time do you call this?

Me: It’s early morning, Nell.

Nell: No, it is not. I’ve been waiting to hear from you all day.

Me: I texted when I arrived in Toronto but it was already gone midnight so I didn’t call.

Nell: Well, you should have done.

Me: Hang on a minute. Why are you lying in a bed full of salad?

Nell: Herr Hoffmann’s trying to turn us Vegetarian and I’m not having it.

Me: Oh dear.

Nell: I threw the salad out of my bowl. I hate leaves.

Me: I happen to know Kev gave you leftover roast beef last night to cheer you up.

Nell: Moving on, tell me about your journey.

Me: Iceland is a very different sort of place.

Nell: What do you mean?

Me: Hardly any green. I couldn’t see much because of the cloud. I wanted to see a volcano.

Nell: Volcano?

Me: Yes, it’s famous for them.

Nell: I’m glad I didn’t know that. And how was the flight to Toronto?

Me: Fine. I read my book and was able to use the internet so I kept in touch with Kev, Charlotte and the children.

Nell: What about me?

Me: I thought you would be asleep. It was really late.

Nell: I expect it was wonderful to see everyone again.

Me: It really was. They were waiting for me at the airport and there were lots of hugs and a few tears.

Nell: Understandable.

Me: Chris has rented us a house so we went back there and I showered and ate a burger and chips.

Nell: You did what?

Me: I know. It was about 4am UK time but I was so happy to be there I just kept going,

Nell: I’m talking about the burger.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Nell: Why are you calling me so early?

Me: I’m at the airport hotel and I wanted to talk to you before I go down for breakfast.

Nell: I don’t mind waiting until after breakfast. Take your time. I’ll be in bed trying to get back to sleep.

Me: Did I wake you?

Nell: Of course you did.

Me: I needed to know you were all fine and coping without me.

Nell: You only left yesterday.

Me: I know, but it feels like ages.

Nell: If you must know, David is refusing to believe you’ve really gone away.

Me: Oh dear.

Nell: He keeps staring out of the window waiting for you to come back.

Me: Darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy.

Nell: He also refused to join us in the kitchen for dinner, which was jacket potatoes with baked beans and cheese, by the way.

Me: I love a jacket potato.

Nell: I don’t. There was no meat. Herr Hoffmann is on a health streak. We’ll be vegetarians by the time you come back.

Me: Did Dave go without his dinner?

Nell: Of course not. David had his meal in the living room.

Me: All alone?

Nell: Yes, but I heard the television so he can’t have been looking out of the window all the time.

Me: I hate to think of him pining for me. He’ll waste away.

Nell: Waste away? He had seconds and a pudding.

Me: At least missing me hasn’t affected his appetite.

Nell: You need to stop worrying about us all and concentrate on yourself.

Me: I will.

Nell: This is your special time with the family.

Me: Yes.

Nell: Now go and get some breakfast and call me later when you’re at the airport.

Me: Ok.

Nell: We’re all absolutely fine.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Nell: Why are you awake so early?

Me: I couldn’t sleep.

Nell: You don’t need to be at the station for hours. Plenty of time to go back to sleep.

Me: I know, but I can’t settle.

Nell: You must be very excited about seeing the family soon.

Me: I am, but I’m also a little bit sad to be leaving you all.

Nell: It’s only for a few weeks and we will talk every day.

Me: You’re right. It’s just not the journey I thought it was going to be.

Nell: What you didn’t tell everyone was the Air Canada flight was a special treat from Chris and you were flying Business Class.

Me: I was looking forward to that so much.

Nell: It wasn’t meant to be.

Me: No.

Nell: And now you get to go to Iceland.

Me: I do. Not for long and not until tomorrow.

Nell: No. It’s London Gatwick first.

Me: I hope I’ve remembered to pack everything.

Nell: By the look of that case you certainly have.

Me: I’m a terrible overpacker, Nell.

Nell: Now, do you have a book?

Me: I do and I plan to buy another at the airport.

Nell: Good idea. You’re never alone with a book beside you.

Me: And I’m never without one.

Nell: Even when it’s in your head.

Me: Yes. Please look after everyone and yourself.

Nell: I will.

Me: And don’t go near Lady Anwen. I’m sure I saw her at the bus stop again last night.

Nell: I can’t promise you that. Harriet is still on surveillance duty.

Me: Oh dear.

Nell: Time for a cup of Earl Grey and some hot buttered toast, I think.

Me: And another little conversation with you?

Nell: Of course. You and me. Always.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: I think the Puppies know I’m going away. They haven’t left my side this morning.

Nell: Of course they know. Everyone knows. Any updates from Air Canada on your flight to Toronto?

Me: It hasn’t been officially cancelled but there’s a huge likelihood it will be, so I’m going to have to decide today if I fly via Iceland instead.

Nell: And if you do?

Me: Then I’ll be leaving tomorrow.

Nell: Tomorrow? I thought your flight was on Tuesday?

Me: I can’t get to the airport early enough from here so I’m going to have to stay in a hotel the night before.

Nell: This is all a little stressful.

Me: Yes, it is.

Nell: Let’s concentrate on Kev’s birthday weekend.

Me: Good idea.

Nell: How was lunch at the Cottage Hotel?

Me: Lovely as always. The sky was a little grey but we didn’t care.

Nell: I’m glad and dinner at the pub?

Me: It was great fun. Kev enjoyed it.

Nell: Now, Sunday Songs is obviously dedicated to Kev but there will be a brief Bon Voyage to you.

Me: How kind.

Nell: We thought you might appreciate it.

Me: Herr Hoffmann and his team seem very busy in the kitchen.

Nell: Sunday Roast doesn’t make itself, you know.

Me: It will be my last roast for a few weeks.

Nell: Don’t Canadians eat roasts?

Me: They do, but next Sunday is the day after the wedding so I can’t see that happening.

Nell: Possibly not.

Me: This is such a strange situation, Nell. I can’t wait to see the family but until I’m actually on the flight I can’t really believe it’s going to happen.

Nell: It’s happening, Whether direct, or via Iceland, you’re flying to Toronto for Chris and Shannon’s wedding.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Nell: Don’t say you can’t believe Kev is 66 because you always do.

Me: I can’t.

Nell: Well, he is, and he doesn’t want to be reminded of it.

Me: Shame you put it in your poem.

Nell: You should have let me write it on my own.

Me: Dave wanted to help.

Nell: I might as well share it with everyone.

Me: Yes, go on.

Nell: ‘It’s time for cuddles.

It’s time for licks.

Our darling Kev

Has turned 66.’

‘Now this means something

I’m not allowed to mention

About getting old

And receiving a pension’.

‘Why mention it then?’

‘I suppose I forgot. 

Writing a poem 

Is harder than I thot.’

‘Good grief. Just make sure you say,

We love you Kev

Have a Happy Birthday.’

‘Yes, I hope Kev knows

We couldn’t love him more.

He’s our rock and our anchor

He’s the one we adore.’

‘We adore Sara, too,

In a different way.

But Kev is the king,

Especially today.’

Me: He’s going to love it.

Nell: Hopefully.

Me: Make sure you look after him while I’m away.

Nell: I will. Don’t you worry about that. Any news on your flight?

Me: No. I’m still waiting to hear if it’s cancelled. This is so stressful.

Nell: Well, if it is, then you will be going to Iceland. Chris has secured a flight.

Me: I’ve never been to Iceland.

Nell: You won’t be there long but at least it’s a way of getting over to Canada.

Me: I’m exhausted, Nell. I couldn’t sleep again.

Nell: No time for tiredness. It’s Kev’s birthday weekend.

Me: You’re right.

Nell: Put on a smile and grab a bacon sandwich. The party is about to begin.

Me: This early?

Nell: It’s never too early to celebrate King Kev.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: Do you know what I’ve decided?

Nell: No, tell me.

Me: In times of stress all I need to do is go for a walk with Harriet.

Nell: Why Harriet? What about me and David?

Me: I love walking with all of you but Harriet’s exuberance and enthusiasm is infectious. She shows me the joy in living and simply being.

Nell: Good Grief. You’re rather philosophical for this time of the morning.

Me: I need to be. This looming Air Canada strike is truly dreadful.

Nell: Has your flight been cancelled?

Me: Not yet, but there’s a warning on the website it might be and the real strike starts tomorrow.

Nell: What are you going to do if it is cancelled?

Me: Chris has found me another flight via Iceland.

Nell: Iceland?

Me: Yes. It means flying from Gatwick, not Heathrow, and leaving Monday, not Tuesday, but it gets me to Toronto by Tuesday evening.

Nell: Well, that’s the main thing.

Me: It is. I’m still hoping they come to an agreement and my flight won’t be cancelled.

Nell: Yes. Thousands of people are going to be stranded if this strike goes ahead.

Me: I know. It’s a nightmare.

Nell: There’s nothing we can do at the moment but wait, so I suggest we focus on Kev’s birthday tomorrow.

Me: Good idea.

Nell: I’m working on a poem and David is working on a song with the Big Cat Vibe.

Me: Excellent.

Nell: Lunch at the Cottage Hotel is booked and dinner at the pub.

Me: Lovely.

Nell: Champagne and canapés will be served in the garden at six during the Royal Owl Force flyover. Hats must be worn.

Me: You’re certainly pulling out all the stops.

Nell: It’s Kev’s birthday. Nothing is too much.

Me: Of course. Sorry.

Nell: Did Alice and family land safely in Toronto?

Me: Yes, I tracked their flight.

Nell: I knew you would.

Me: Chris sent me a photo of them all together.

Nell: Lovely. You look very tired.

Me: I am. I couldn’t sleep last night.

Nell: Over excitement?

Me: No. Air Canada staff are striking at the weekend and flights are being cancelled.

Nell: Oh no.

Me: There’s a real possibility that mine will be.

Nell: What are you going to do?

Me: Chris says he will get me to Toronto come what may and I’m not to worry, but I can’t help it. I can’t miss the wedding, Nell.

Nell: You won’t. Trust me. Chris will find you a flight with another airline if needs be.

Me: I hope so.

Nell: Have a sip of Earl Grey. Tea always helps in these situations.

Me: Harriet looks worried. What’s happened?

Nell: When you see what she saw you’ll know why.

Me: Did she manage to track down the sinister animal in a veiled hat?

Nell: Yes. Look at this.

Me: It’s very dark.

Nell: It was the middle of the night.

Me: Oh dear.

Nell: Quite.

Me: I don’t like the look of that animal at all.

Nell: Do you recognise her?

Me: It’s not one of the Welsh Corgi Choir, is it?

Nell: Of course not.

Me: Good. They don’t have a bad bone in their little furry bodies. It looks rather like a very mean Lady Anwen.

Nell: That’s because it is a very mean Lady Anwen.

Me: Lady Anwen was always a nasty piece of work but now she looks positively evil.

Nell: I’m afraid we’re seeing her real self.

Me: Oh dear. So much to worry about.

Nell: Drink your tea. We’ve got this.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Nell: Why are you staring at your iBone like that?

Me: I want to track Alice and the grandchildren but it won’t let me.

Nell: Quite right, too. Stop being so nosey.

Me: They’re flying to Toronto today and I always track the flights.

Nell: Why can’t you?

Me: They need to be in the air and they’re not flying until later.

Nell: Put the iBone down then, please and talk to me.

Me: I mustn’t forget.

Nell: As if that would ever happen.

Me: Are you going to track my flight next Tuesday?

Nell: Maybe. It depends.

Me: On what?

Nell: On what we have planned and whether we can stay awake. You don’t land until nearly midnight our time, you know.

Me: Don’t I?

Nell: Why are you smiling?

Me: You’re definitely going to track me.

Nell: Talking of tracking, reports have been coming in of a particularly sinister veiled creature prowling the village at night.

Me: Gosh. That sounds awfully scary.

Nell: Villagers have noted mean eyes and sharp teeth.

Me: I shan’t be going out at night for a while.

Nell: Well, fortunately you’re not Harriet.

Me: What do you mean?

Nell: Never mind. It’s confidential.

Me: Tell me.

Nell: Sally has asked Harriet to try and get some photos of the creature.

Me: I don’t think that’s a very good idea. It has sharp teeth.

Nell: Harriet is a trained spy.

Me: She’s my darling Chocolate Girl.

Nell: Don’t start all that nonsense.

Me: Fine, but I’m going with her.

Nell: You are not.

Me: I’ll wear my all-encasing hat.

Nell: Good grief.

Me: And I won’t scream very loudly when we see it.

Nell: You won’t scream at all because you’ll be here at home tracking Alice’s flight to Canada.

Me: Oh yes. Sorry.

Me: Do you know what’s wrong with the two boys?

Nell: Which boys?

Me: Nigel and Dave. They’re sulking in the living room.

Nell: It’s probably about the Bacon Ban.

Me: Bacon Ban?

Nell: The studio wants them to lose weight. Apparently the camera puts inches on you.

Me: Or centimetres in the metric world.

Nell: Either way it adds pounds.

Me: Or kilos.

Nell: Stop.

Me: So are they on a diet?

Nell: Yes. Lots of fish and fresh vegetables.

Me: Sounds delicious to me.

Nell: You are not a Labrador.

Me: Does Herr Hoffmann know?

Nell: Of course he does. I informed him as soon as we received the list of acceptable foods.

Me: The studio sent a list?

Nell: They did. I’m guessing that Notorious Vegetarian James Beddall is behind a lot of it.

Me: James isn’t working for Beefy Productions. He’s one of our followers.

Nell: He definitely suggested a nut roast at the weekend.

Me: True.

Nell: Now, the important thing for us to remember is not to eat our bacon sandwiches in front of the boys.

Me: Excuse me?

Nell: It would be cruel.

Me: Are you telling me you’re not giving up bacon?

Nell: Of course not. Whatever next?

Me: But you’re in the film, too.

Nell: Mrs Hudson would never go without her bacon sandwiches. It’s a ridiculous idea.

Me: Neither would Dr Watson and The Handsome Hound.

Nell: Potato, potahto.

Me: Now you’re just being silly.

Nell: I can tell you one thing, nobody is going without roast beef next weekend. It’s Kev’s birthday and a nut roast simply won’t do.

Me: I’m on your side there.

Nell: In the meantime, however, bacon is off the menu.

Me: For everyone?

Nell: No. Just the boys. Do keep up.

Me: Yes. Sorry.