Me: You’re looking nonchalant now but Harriet was telling you something very important earlier, wasn’t she?

Nell: Was she?

Me: Yes. I could tell from her face. What was it?

Nell: Maybe it was that we should never invite an albatross to Sunday lunch again? Did you see it drinking out of the gravy boat?

Me: Adam was ever so much larger than I expected.

Nell: New Zealanders have slightly odd ways, don’t they?

Me: What do you mean?

Nell: It kept talking about fush and chups.

Me: He meant fish and chips and I wish you wouldn’t call Adam ‘it’.

Nell: You don’t discuss fish and chips at a roast beef lunch.

Me: I don’t see why not.

Nell: And when I asked if it wanted horseradish sauce it said, ‘yeah, nah’.

Me: Maybe he was undecided?

Nell: It definitely meant no as it shook its beak at me.

Me: Manuel was terrified of him.

Nell: If you were an octopus and a giant albatross was talking about fish and chips you’d feel nervous.

Me: He didn’t say octopus and chips.

Nell: It didn’t need to.

Me: I suppose it’s like me sitting next to a lion.

Nell: You were sitting next to a lion.

Me: Mrs King isn’t going to eat me.

Nell: No, but she could if she wanted to.

Me: I’d rather not think about that, thank you.

Nell: So would Manuel.

Me: Anyway, lunch went well in the main.

Nell: It did.

Me: Did Nigel have any interesting information about Lady Anwen’s dinner?

Nell: I’ve no idea.

Me: I bet you do. He’s spoken to Harriet, hasn’t he?

Nell: Probably.

Me: And she’s spoken to you.

Nell: Of course she’s spoken to me. I’m her aunt, she’s not going to ignore me.

Me: True. Sorry.

Nell: Are you ready for Sunday Songs? You’ll need an umbrella.

Me: No. Dave’s upstairs on the bed being dramatic.

Nell: What do you mean?

Me: He’s holding his head in his paws and refusing to talk to me or even have a Sunday morning cuddle.

Nell: I’m not surprised. You wouldn’t let him go to Lady Anwen’s dinner party on the island.

Me: It was far too dangerous. Going there in Lionel King’s boat in the rain.

Nell: Fortunately Nigel doesn’t mind the rain.

Me: Nigel?

Nell: Yes.

Me: I thought Nigel had gone home.

Nell: He’s on the island having breakfast with some French rooks and a rather interesting albatross.

Me: Albatross?

Nell: He’s called Adam and he’s visiting from New Zealand.

Me: That’s a long way to fly for dinner.

Nell: Very funny. Adam is touring the United Kingdom.

Me: With a band?

Nell: You can ask him yourself later. Nigel’s invited him to Sunday roast.

Me: Here?

Nell: Yes. Roast beef and all the trimmings. I must let Herr Hoffmann know as we’ll need lots of gravy.

Me: Why?

Nell: Albatrosses love gravy. Everyone knows that.

Me: Do they?

Nell: Besides you can never have enough gravy when there are Yorkshire puddings around.

Me: True. How was the dinner?

Nell: I’ve no idea. Nigel couldn’t talk.

Me: Why?

Nell: He was eating a croissant with raspberry jam, if you must know.

Me: I could eat one of those right now.

Nell: Anyway, Nigel will tell us all about it when he gets back.

Me: I hope he’s taking the sea tractor. The weather’s too nasty to go in Lionel’s boat.

Nell: Lionel is staying on at the island.

Me: You seem very well informed.

Nell: Lionel wasn’t eating a croissant when we talked.

Me: Right. Sorry.

Me: I have a question for you.

Nell: For me?

Me: Yes.

Nell: Ask away.

Me: Why is everyone looking upstairs, except you?

Nell: I have no idea.

Me: They’re obviously waiting for someone.

Nell: If you know, why ask?

Me: Who is it? Because you’re not bothered at all.

Nell: It’s probably you.

Me: But I’m downstairs already.

Nell: It’ll be Kev, then.

Me: He’s gone out. You know something. I can tell from your face.

Nell: Fine. They’re waiting for the Saturday Roar.

Me: The Saturday Roar?

Nell: Yes.

Me: I’ve never heard of it.

Nell: It’s an announcement that the weekend has started.

Me: Is it?

Nell: Yes. No bacon sandwiches until you hear the roar.

Me: But I saw you eating a bacon sandwich in the kitchen earlier.

Nell: Never mind that.

Me: How come you’re not waiting?

Nell: Forget you ever saw me.

Me: The Saturday Roar isn’t real, is it?

Nell: I couldn’t possibly answer that.

Me: They’ve been waiting ages for breakfast for no reason at all.

Nell: I needed some quiet. I get tired after I’ve eaten.

Me: That’s really naughty, Nell. I’m going to tell them.

Nell: Go ahead, but there will be an announcement later.

Me: About what?

Nell: About Lady Anwen’s dinner party.

Me: You’re not going.

Nell: No, but somebody else is. The boys are desperate to go.

Me: David and Nigel are not going either.

Nell: Let’s wait and see.

Me: Hang on a minute. Was that a roar?

Nell: Yes, it was. Bacon sandwiches for everyone.

Me: I thought you said it wasn’t real.

Nell: You said it wasn’t real. I said I needed some quiet. Are you going to get your sandwich? You’d better hurry up or they will all be gone.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: Nobody loves their walks more than Harriet. She never stops running around.

Nell: It’s exhausting to watch.

Me: I love it.

Nell: Today is the last day of school.

Me: Is it?

Nell: Yes. So the big cats can finally stop roaring when the school bus arrives.

Me: Our neighbours will be grateful.

Nell: Never mind them. I’m sick of being woken by a roar. Weekends were my only chance of a lie in.

Me: I’m going to miss it.

Nell: You’re awake and writing anyway.

Me: Is Lady Anwen still going to be at the bus stop?

Nell: No. Lionel says she’s moved into the hotel on the island ready for her dinner party tomorrow.

Me: What about the beret-wearing Beefy?

Nell: It’s not at the bus stop either.

Me: I shall miss them. I’ve got used to seeing them there.

Nell: Good grief.

Me: I’m glad you’ve agreed not to go the island.

Nell: Rupert put his paw down.

Me: Good old Knitwear Wolf.

Nell: He was quite forceful, actually. He took me to one side and said, ‘It’s not happening, Nelly. You are going nowhere without me.’

Me: Quite right too.

Nell: I suggested asking Lionel if he could join us but he didn’t like that idea at all.

Me: Of course he didn’t.

Nell: Never mind. Someone else can go in my place.

Me: No, they cannot.

Nell: Herr Hoffmann is cooking his special goulash for dinner tonight.

Me: You’re changing the subject.

Nell: And Frau Hoffmann is making homemade pasta to go with it.

Me: I love a bowl of pasta.

Nell: I know you do.

Me: Nobody is going to the island.

Nell: Nobody mentioned the island.

Me: You’re up to something.

Nell: I’m a Labrador. I’m thinking about dinner.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: Weren’t Kev and Dave adorable together yesterday afternoon?

Nell: David is extremely needy.

Me: No, he isn’t. He’s just affectionate. Darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy,

Nell: Kev wanted a quiet break on the sofa and David insisted on joining him.

Me: Kev doesn’t mind. He loves cuddling Dave.

Nell: He was supposed to be talking to me. It was my special time.

Me: You’re always having special time with Kev. Let Dave have some time with him too.

Nell: I’m his Little Dove.

Me: Yes. I’ve heard him call you that. It’s sweet.

Nell: David is too pushy.

Me: Beware the green-eyed monster.

Nell: I know David is large but calling him a monster is a little harsh.

Me: I’m talking about you being jealous.

Nell: Nonsense. I have important plans to discuss with Kev. That’s all.

Me: You could discuss them with me?

Nell: I already know what you’ll say.

Me: What about Knitwear Wolf?

Nell: Rupert’s angry with me for even considering it.

Me: Considering what?

Nell: Going to Lady Anwen’s dinner on the island with Lionel.

Me: I can’t believe we’re even discussing this.

Nell: I didn’t want to.

Me: You can’t go, Nell. Kev will say the same thing.

Nell: You don’t know that.

Me: I do.

Nell: Lionel says we can take his boat so we can leave any time we like.

Me: Will you never learn? You cannot trust that wretched lion.

Nell: Rumour has it the dinner is actually a cover for a big NOIR convention.

Me: The Notorious Organisation of International Rooks?

Nell: Think what I could find out if I was there.

Me: You’re not going. Leave the spying to the younger ones.

Nell: Are you suggesting Lionel takes David or Harriet instead?

Me: No. He can go alone. Sorry.

Nell: Would you stop posting photos of your ring?

Me: We found it!

Nell: I know. I was there.

Me: I can’t believe we found it. I thought it was gone for ever.

Nell: You’d better tell everyone what happened. They’ll want to know.

Me: We spent half of Sunday, the whole of Monday and most of Tuesday looking for the ring my late mother gave me.

Nell: Don’t turn this into a three act play.

Me: I’m setting the scene.

Nell: Just tell them.

Me: I was terribly distressed and had almost given up.

Nell: I knew we’d find it.

Me: Everyone was involved in the search.

Nell: Skip to the garden, please.

Me: Henry and Horst had organised an insect team to check the grass so Dave shook the raked grass out of the bag onto the ground for inspection.

Nell: It was an awful mess.

Me: It really was. The search began and Kev arrived with a metal detector.

Nell: A horribly ungainly and extremely noisy apparatus.

Me: We had it turned up too high at first and it kept beeping at the washing line.

Nell: Anyway, continue.

Me: Kev swept it to and fro over the grass and it suddenly started beeping.

Nell: It was very insistent.

Me: And the strange thing was, it wasn’t beeping at the raked grass.

Nell: That’s not strange at all. You picked up the raked grass to put in the bag and your ring fell onto the fresh grass below.

Me: That’s exactly what happened. I couldn’t see anything so I scrabbled around in the grass and there it was. My ring. Safe and sound.

Nell: You burst into tears.

Me: I did.

Nell: And hugged everyone. Too many times, by the way, and without warning.

Me: I know. Sorry.

Me: We’re never going to find my ring.

Nell: It has to be here.

Me: Everyone’s exhausted from looking for it.

Nell: Dave and Harriet just need a short nap and then they’ll start looking again.

Me: There isn’t anywhere we haven’t looked.

Nell: Kev has organised a metal detector. He still thinks it’s in the garden.

Me: What if a magpie has taken it? Or another bird?

Nell: Owl Pacino is putting the word out amongst the bird community for any rings like yours coming onto the market.

Me: Is there a market?

Nell: Of course, bBay is very popular.

Me: Is it run by bees?

Nell: Certainly not. The bees have far too much to do running the National Honey Service.

Me: Why is it called bBay?

Nell: It’s B for birds. Do keep up.

Me: This is dreadful, Nell. I know it’s just a ring but it means so much to me.

Nell: We’re going to find it.

Me: I hope so.

Nell: On another note, I’d like to discuss your new pyjamas.

Me: They’re nice, aren’t they?

Nell: They’re covered in cats.

Me: They’re leopards.

Nell: We have enough big cats in the house without you wearing them.

Me: Beauregard loves them.

Nell: Beauregard is a tiger.

Me: Talking of big cats, has Lionel King given us any information about Lady Anwen’s plans?

Nell: He says he can’t remember anything about that evening. It’s all a blur.

Me: He’s lying.

Nell: He’s more than willing to meet up with her again

Me: I bet he is.

Nell: She’s hosting a dinner party on the island this weekend. He can get us invitations.

Me: I’m not really up to socialising at the moment.

Nell: I’m not talking about you.

Me: You’re not going with Lionel, Nell. Sorry.

Me: I’ve lost my ring.

Nell: Which ring?

Me: The one my late mother gave me that I always wear.

Nell: Oh no.

Me: It’s all my fault, I’ve lost weight recently and I knew it was getting loose.

Nell: Oh dear.

Me: And now it’s gone.

Nell: When do you remember last seeing it?

Me: I can’t remember exactly but I’m fairly sure I had it on yesterday morning.

Nell: It must still be in the house then. Kev took Dave and Harriet for a late walk but you and I stayed home.

Me: Yes, we did.

Nell: So, we just need to try and retrace your steps.

Me: I was in the garden picking up grass.

Nell: You were doing what?

Me: The grass had been cut and needed putting into bags.

Nell: It was far too hot.

Me: I know. I started to fill one bag and then I felt too hot to continue so I left it.

Nell: Your ring might be in there.

Me: It isn’t. I tipped the bag out when I realised it had gone and it wasn’t there.

Nell: Where’s the grass now?

Me: In the garden.

Nell: We’ll go through it later. I’ll ask Henry and Horst to organise an insect team.

Me: And I also washed the cushions.

Nell: What’s the matter with you? You were supposed to be having a quiet afternoon watching Wimbledon.

Me: It was before Wimbledon.

Nell: Maybe your ring fell into a cushion cover?

Me: I’ve looked. It isn’t there.

Nell: We’ll check again. You’ll be in a panic.

Me: I have to find it, Nell.

Nell: We will do our very best.

Me: My mother gave it to me.

Nell: I know she did.

Me: It’s all my fault.

Nell: Stop that.

Me: Sorry.

Nell: David is refusing to get out of bed.

Me: I know. Darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy.

Nell: He says it’s too hot for Sunday Songs.

Me: I think it actually might be, Nell. We can’t have the Welsh Corgi Choir fainting in the heat.

Nell: They can wear hats.

Me: I’m afraid it’s definitely too hot for you.

Nell: I beg your pardon?

Me: You’re not going out in this heat, Nell. None of you are.

Nell: You’ll be telling me there’s no Sunday roast next.

Me: There isn’t. It’s far too hot for the Hoffmanns to be cooking all day. A salad will do and some fresh fruit.

Nell: Salad? On a Sunday? I’m not surprised David is staying in bed.

Me: We don’t have many days like this a year. We just have to compromise.

Nell: I’m not watching the Wimbledon final without strawberries and cream.

Me: Would ice cream do?

Nell: If we must.

Me: Would you like Kev to put up the paddling pool in the garden?

Nell: He can do what he likes.

Me: I meant for you to cool your paws.

Nell: David will only drink out of it again.

Me: That’s fine.

Nell: What if the villagers all gather at the recreation ground and we aren’t there?

Me: They won’t. We’ve posted on the village notice board.

Nell: What on earth are those llamas doing in our garden?

Me: They’re being hosed down, Nell. Llamas can’t cope with the heat.

Nell: I hope you’re not thinking of going anywhere near me with that thing.

Me: A little hose down would make you feel refreshed.

Nell: Don’t you dare. I’m an elderly Labrador not a llama.

Me: It was only a suggestion.

Nell: Step away from that hosepipe right now.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: Why is Nigel in my chair looking guilty?

Nell: You should see Lionel.

Me: Lionel King?

Nell: Yes.

Me: What’s that dreadful lion got to do with anything?

Nell: He was the one having dinner with Lady Anwen in the pub garden.

Me: I knew it. Dastardly creature.

Nell: He was undercover.

Me: You would say that. You’re blinkered when it comes to that lion. Why is Nigel involved?

Nell: Nigel went to the pub with Kev and Charlotte.

Me: I see.

Nell: And after dinner he and Lionel stayed on for a few drinks.

Me: Oh dear.

Nell: Which turned into more than a few.

Me: Typical.

Nell: And ended up with them singing their way home through the village arm in arm.

Me: No wonder they don’t look too bright this morning.

Nell: Exactly.

Me: Did they find out anything?

Nell: Nigel certainly didn’t. Lionel is yet to be interviewed. He needs a coffee and a bacon sandwich first.

Me: What about Henry and Horst?

Nell: They don’t eat bacon.

Me: Very funny.

Nell: Kev and Charlotte were too far away for them to pick up much. When they saw Lionel they decided to leave it to him and simply enjoyed their evening.

Me: What about me?

Nell: Stop making it all about you.

Me: I could have joined them.

Nell: You know perfectly well that you would have ended up trying to talk to Lady Anwen about her menu choices.

Me: I can recommend the fish. It’s fresh.

Nell: See what I mean.

Me: What if Lionel has nothing to tell us? Or worse, what if he’s a double agent and tells us what they want us to hear?

Nell: What if you let me eat my bacon sandwich in peace? It’s Saturday.

Me: Yes. Sorry.