Me: What are you three gossiping about?
Nell: We’re not gossiping.
Me: You’re having some kind of heated debate.
Nell: We’re discussing the auditions, if you must know.
Me: What auditions?
Nell: The ones for the Stephen Seagull film.
Me: Are you sure you haven’t mixed him up with Stephen Spielberg?
Nell: Who’s he?
Me: A really famous Hollywood film director.
Nell: Why would he be filming here in our village?
Me: Why not? Quite a lot of filming happens down here in Devon.
Nell: It’s a Beefy Production. Look at the posters.
Me: What posters?
Nell: The ones in the pub and the village hall.
Me: What’s the film called?
Nell: ‘Sherlock Bones and The Handsome Hound’.
Me: Seriously?
Nell: Yes.
Me: Well, that has Dave’s name on it. Darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy.
Nell: No, it doesn’t.
Me: But Dave’s perfect for the role.
Nell: David is not a trained actor.
Me: Kev can teach him. He’s a trained actor. What does Dave think?
Nell: David wants to be the Handsome Hound.
Me: I knew it.
Nell: Harriet and I have been trying to persuade him to lower his expectations.
Me: We need The Cat to introduce Dave to Dominic Slumberbox. Once he sees him he will know he’s the the Handsome Hound they’ve been looking for.
Nell: Good grief.
Me: In the meantime I’ll take some publicity photos.
Nell: They’ve almost certainly cast the Handsome Hound, you know.
Me: Dave can do this.
Nell: You do realise this is a Beefy Production, don’t you? They don’t like us very much at all.
Me: We’ll have to be nice to them.
Nell: What?
Me: Just for a short time.
Nell: I am not consorting with the Beefies.
Me: Not even for Dave?
Nell: Stop right now.
Me: Sorry.
