Nell: You’re not going to believe this.
Me: Tell me.
Nell: Someone has been secretly filming us.
Me: I don’t believe it.
Nell: Told you.
Me: How do you know?
Nell: Look at these photos.
Me: It’s us.
Nell: I know it’s us.
Me: You and me.
Nell: Yes, I know what ‘us’ means.
Me: Having a conversation.
Nell: As we do.
Me: Yes.
Nell: On our own.
Me: Yes.
Nell: Except we weren’t.
Me: Yes, we were. You can see we’re talking. Well, I’m talking. You’re looking around.
Nell: We weren’t on our own.
Me: Oh, I see.
Nell: Someone was obviously watching us. We’re under surveillance.
Me: How do you know?
Nell: They sent me the photos on WoofsApp.
Me: I can’t remember what we were talking about but I don’t think they were government secrets.
Nell: Why on earth would we be discussing government secrets?
Me: But why is someone spying on us?
Nell: And why do they want us to know?
Me: Maybe we know something we don’t know we know.
Nell: Good grief.
Me: Were we wearing hats?
Nell: No, look at the photos. Why?
Me: We might have been bugged.
Nell: Henry and Horst work for Sally. Remember?
Me: They’re probably not the only undercover woodlice in the business. Not something I thought I would ever say.
Nell: True.
Me: Check your collar.
Nell: We’re at home. I’m not wearing a collar.
Me: Check your fur. Anything could be hiding in there.
Nell: I’m going to need a cup of Earl Grey and a slice of hot buttered toast before I check anything and David’s waiting to discuss his playlist for tomorrow’s village fete.
Me: Maybe they want to know our playlist?
Nell: We don’t have one. We’re not singing.
Me: Oh yes. Sorry.
