Nell: It’s early.
Me: Yes, I couldn’t sleep again.
Nell: Where are you?
Me: I’m still in London.
Nell: You were supposed to come home yesterday.
Me: I had to change my plans at the last minute.
Nell: David is distraught. He’s been waiting for you to arrive all this time.
Me: There was nothing I could do.
Nell: Are you coming home today?
Me: No. I’m afraid I won’t be back until Monday at the earliest.
Nell: This is completely unacceptable.
Me: I’m not too happy about it either.
Nell: You were only supposed to be away for one day.
Me: I was, but things are taking longer to sort out than expected. If it’s any consolation, I’m missing you all, too.
Nell: Never mind that. We’re still vegetarians. If this continues we may never see any meat again.
Me: What do you mean?
Nell: Kev’s gone Mediterranean.
Me: What?
Nell: He’s eating olives and peppers and tomatoes and small pieces of salty cheese.
Me: Feta.
Nell: Bless you.
Me: No, the cheese is called Feta.
Nell: He’s talking about cooking spaghetti without the bolognese.
Me: No wonder Dave’s worried.
Nell: Just plain tomatoes and a scattering of Basil, whoever he is.
Me: Basil is a herb.
Nell: I blame that Notorious Vegetarian James Beddall for all this.
Me: I really don’t think you should.
Nell: What is life coming to? You have abandoned us and David is facing a life without bacon.
Me: No, he isn’t. I’ll talk to Kev about it.
Nell: Well, hurry up. I’m not getting any younger you know.
Me: Tell me about it.
Nell: I just did.
Me: Never mind.
Nell: Enjoy your cooked breakfast.
Me: I’ll try.
Nell: And think of us unwilling vegetarians when you bite into that bacon.
Me: Sorry.
