Me: Look at Dave guarding my handbag. Bless him. Darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy.
Nell: He and Harriet like to make sure everyone is safe.
Me: I wish they would do it a little quieter. All that barking is driving me mad.
Nell: On another note. you know that Notorious Vegetarian James Beddall?
Me: James is not notorious. He’s a kind man and friend to us all who just doesn’t eat any meat.
Nell: He calls me Nelly.
Me: Only now and again.
Nell: Anyway, his friend’s daughter Ellie and her partner Callum moved to Exeter yesterday.
Me: How on earth do you know that?
Nell: I just do. Ellie has a new job at Exeter University.
Me: How exciting. Exeter is an excellent university.
Nell: Yes, it is.
Me: We should welcome them to Devon.
Nell: Yes, we should. Welcome. I wonder if they are Notorious Vegetarians, too?
Me: Please stop saying that, Nell.
Nell: If James had his way it would be nut cutlets and false bacon every day.
Me: No, it wouldn’t.
Nell: With a side order of seaweed.
Me: He enjoys lava bread. He’s Welsh. He just gently suggests now and again that we might want to try vegetarian alternatives.
Nell: You know the Beefies have started throwing seaweed at the Grockles if they don’t share their chips.
Me: That’s shocking behaviour.
Nell: I agree.
Me: Stop calling the tourists Grockles, Nell.
Nell: I’m not allowed to say anything today.
Me: You’re being a little bit critical.
Nell: What if the Beefies become Notorious Vegetarians?
Me: They are never going to give up fish. The most they will ever be is Notorious Pescatarians.
Nell: Stop saying that word.
Me: You started and it fits when it comes to the Beefies but not to James Beddall. Sorry.
