Me: What on earth is all that barking about?
Nell: It’s Nigel.
Me: It’s Sunday morning, Nell. He’s going to disturb the neighbours.
Nell: He doesn’t care. Harriet hasn’t come home and he blames The Stuffed Tiger.
Me: The Stuffed Tiger has nothing to do with Harriet leaving.
Nell: It’s imprisoned the Cuddle Nells, too.
Me: No. When we moved I was worried it might feel lonely on top of the chest of drawers and thought the Cuddle Nells could keep it company.
Nell: It knew Harriet was planning on running away and it never told anyone.
Me: Harriet hasn’t run anyway.
Nell: She said she was getting eggs and now she’s gone.
Me: We know where Harriet is. She’s staying a few days with Jim the Farm Dog.
Nell: David is distraught.
Me: I know he is.
Nell: He only ate two bacon sandwiches and he’s considering a small portion of Sunday roast.
Me: Oh dear.
Nell: With no Yorkshire puddings, or gravy.
Me: Well, that’s never going to happen.
Nell: Nobody wants to go to Sunday Songs.
Me: That’s not true. I saw the Welsh Corgi Choir walking through the village in their Sunday hats.
Nell: Harriet should be here. That tiger is behind it all. Mark my words.
Me: I don’t know why you and Nigel are so distrustful of it.
Nell: Have you seen the way it’s wrapped his paws around the Cuddle Nells?
Me: It’s just being kind.
Nell: I’ve had enough. Pass me my handbag. I’m calling Harriet. It’s Sunday and she should be here with the family.
Me: Don’t interfere, Nell. Let her have some time with Jim.
Nell: Where’s my iBone? Why are there crumbs all over it?
Me: Dave was texting Harriet on it while he was comfort eating biscuits. Sorry.
