Me: I think we might need to stop grumbling about the weather.
Nell: Why? It’s something we British do particularly well.
Me: Look at the state of Marvin in Toronto.
Nell: He does look a little cold.
Me: He looks freezing. Poor little thing.
Nell: My friend Dorothy said it was so windy in Dartmouth she lost her hat outside Barks and Spencer.
Me: That is not the same thing.
Nell: And Princess said she and Sir Roger Blubbery had awfully cold flippers after their swim in the sea and had to clap each other for ages to get warm again.
Me: They just love clapping. It’s a seal thing.
Nell: Their clapping is dreadfully disruptive. I could hardly hear The Beetles at Sunday Songs.
Me: Nobody could. If the Welsh Corgi Choir hadn’t joined in the chorus we wouldn’t have heard anything at all.
Nell: Rupert has a new line of hats and scarves he would like us to try out. They’re particularly soft and are all in one.
Me: Like my wolf hat?
Nell: No. Rupert only does woollens. He’s Knitwear Wolf not Fake Fur Wolf.
Me: I think Marvin might be wearing a snood in that photo.
Nell: I beg your pardon?
Me: It’s a scarf and you can pull it right up over your ears.
Nell: That’s what I’ve been talking about.
Me: No. This doesn’t have dangly bits. It’s a knitted tube and ideal for really cold weather.
Nell: I’m not wearing a tube.
Me: I used to wear them all the time in Berlin. They kept me lovely and warm.
Nell: A simple hat and scarf is fine for me. No need for any snoods in Devon.
Me: Dorothy wouldn’t have lost a snood outside Barks and Spencer.
Nell: Enough.
Me: Just saying. Sorry.
