Me: I hope Nigel isn’t still supposed to be Dave’s bodyguard.
Nell: Why?
Me: Because he’s fast asleep in front of the fire and Dave’s gone shopping with The Cat.
Nell: Well, we won’t be seeing David for the rest of the day.
Me: Surely he’ll be back for lunch?
Nell: The Cat always lunches out when it goes shopping.
Me: Should Nigel have gone with them?
Nell: No. Nothing’s going to happen to David when The Cat is there. Birds hate cats.
Me: Malcolm doesn’t.
Nell: Malcolm’s a shy flamingo. He’d never tell you if he did.
Me: Owl Pacino likes The Cat and so does Walter Pigeon.
Nell: Owl Pacino is scared of nothing and nobody and Walter is Walter. Are you going to keep listing birds who like cats?
Me: Not any cats. The Cat. It’s special.
Nell: Yes, I know.
Me: If Dave’s gone shopping with The Cat, it’s highly likely he’s going to come home wearing a feathered hat.
Nell: Better than a feather boa like last time.
Me: True. Birds probably particularly dislike feathered hats and feather boas.
Nell: Why?
Me: It’s like me wearing a Labrador fur hat, or scarf.
Nell: I beg your pardon?
Me: Sheep and alpacas don’t mind.
Nell: Why would they?
Me: And neither do the llamas.
Nell: Llamas don’t mind about anything, in my experience, as long as they can have fun and cartwheel.
Me: Yes. You can wear their hair as much as you like. It bothers them not a jot.
Nell: Have you quite finished?
Me: In fact, Knitwear Wolf has built his whole business around it. And so has The Cat.
Nell: Never talk about wearing a Labrador fur hat and scarf again.
Me: I was just saying.
Nell: The mere idea.
Me: Yes. Sorry.
