Me: The puppies are waiting for someone again.
Nell: They’re not puppies. David and Harriet are seven.
Me: Do you think they’re waiting for Tony? Only, I’m not sure he’s working today. He often doesn’t do Mondays.
Nell: They’re waiting for the bin collection, if you must know.
Me: That’s not very exciting.
Nell: I beg to differ.
Me: It’s just loud and smelly.
Nell: Exactly. It’s most entertaining.
Me: I suppose it must be exciting, as they always bark.
Nell: They like to join in.
Me: It must be like watching an action movie in the cinema.
Nell: It’s not that exciting.
Me: And the bin men are the film stars.
Nell: Nonsense. You can’t say bin men, by the way. It’s refuse collectors nowadays.
Me: We used to say dustmen. ‘My old man’s a dustman. He wears a dustman’s hat.’
Nell: Why on earth are you singing that?
Me: It was a popular song back in the day. Sung by Lonnie Donegan, if I remember correctly.
Nell: Well, stop. Anybody could hear you. The llamas might start cartwheeling.
Me: Thinking about it, I probably shouldn’t say Tony the Postman. But Tony the postal worker sounds all wrong.
Nell: Tony is Tony.
Me: I’ve started calling you Nell the Labrador in some places. Or even Senior Labrador Nell.
Nell: Why?
Me: Some people don’t realise you’re a dog.
Nell: I beg your pardon? What else would I be?
Me: When they read our conversations at first they think you’re a person, especially as you usually win.
Nell: I always win.
Me: There have been times when you haven’t.
Nell: Really?
Me: Not many times, but occasionally.
Nell: I knew it.
Me: What?
Nell: A llama just cartwheeled into a bin. It’s your fault for singing that song.
Me: Sorry.
