Me: Has Harriet been taking selfies on my iBone?

Nell: Why?

Me: Look at these photos.

Nell: Interesting. Maybe she’s decided to enter the competition.

Me: What competition?

Nell: The Daily Growl is looking for Our Devon Darling and Jim the Farm Dog told her she’d be bound to win.

Me: Our Devon Darling?

Nell: You’re doing that repeating thing again. Anyone can enter, so she probably has.

Me: Well, Harriet could definitely win. She’s ever so pretty.

Nell: It’s not just about looks. Personality plays a big role and charisma.

Me: I’m surprised Dave isn’t entering then. My Big Brave Beautiful Boy has absolutely loads of charisma.

Nell: David can’t enter.

Me: Why? Because he’s the Mayor of Kingsbridge?

Nell: No, he’s one of the judges.

Me: Really? They might not let Harriet enter if Dave’s a judge. He’s her brother.

Nell: They’re perfectly happy with me being on the panel and I’m her aunt.

Me: Do you mean to say you’re a judge, too?

Nell: Yes.

Me: Harriet definitely can’t enter then. If she’s chosen people will say it was fixed.

Nell: We judges only make an initial selection. The readers of the Daily Growl are the ones who vote.

Me: That sounds sensible.

Nell: My friend Dorothy is entering and so is The Cat.

Me: The Cat?

Nell: Why not?

Me: I didn’t think entering competitions was The Cat’s kind of thing.

Nell: If you ask me, it’s bored. And you know The Cat. Any excuse to dress up.

Me: Forgive me for saying, but up until now the only entrants seem to be animals you know.

Nell: If I don’t know them, how can I know they’ve entered?

Me: You’re a judge.

Nell: Judging hasn’t started yet. The competition only just opened.

Me: I see. Sorry.

Me: I can’t believe Jonathan Sky is eight today.

Nell: You say that every year about almost every birthday.

Me: My darling boy is growing up so quickly.

Nell: I wrote a poem for him. Would you like to hear it?

Me: Very much.

Nell: ‘Hurry up! Hurry up!

You cannot be late.

You must show your ticket

To the wolf at the gate.’

‘I don’t have a ticket

Cos I didn’t know

I needed a ticket.

Can I still go?’

‘Of course you can go.

Just don’t be late,

Because Jonathan Sky

Has just turned Eight.

And if you’re late, 

You might just find

That Jonathan Sky

Has just turned Nine.’

‘Nine? Oh no,

That wouldn’t do.

He has to be Eight.

Now where’s my shoe?

I had two shoes on

When I started to run,

But now it appears

I only have one.’

‘Never mind shoes,

Where’s your hat?’

‘I don’t think I have one.’

‘Just ask The Cat.’

‘Where are we going?’

‘To Jonathan’s house,

To party and sing

And dance with a mouse.’

‘Can mouses dance?’

‘Of course they can,

And it’s mice, by the way,

Do you like jam?’

‘Only on scones

With cream on top.

Will there be cake?’

‘Of course, now stop

And listen quite carefully

To what you must say

When you first see Jonathan.’

‘Happy Birthday?’

‘Yes, but please 

Try not to bellow

And remember to add

He’s a jolly good fellow,

Who’s loved by us all

To the moon and back.’

‘I’m sure I would never

Forget to say that.’

‘So let’s join together 

And shout out with joy

How much we adore

This most wonderful boy.’

Me: Thank you. I hope he knows how much he’s loved.

Nell: He knows. No tears. It’s a happy day.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Nell: I have a question for you.

Me: Why do I think I’m not going to like it?

Nell: If you were happily sleeping in the September sunshine…

Me: We’re talking about you yesterday, aren’t we?

Nell: Minding your own business and enjoying the warmth of the sun on your tired bones.

Me: Oh dear.

Nell: And you heard someone say ‘Just step over her’. What would you think?

Me: Harriet wanted to go out into the sunshine, too.

Nell: But she didn’t step over me.

Me: No. She managed to squeeze past.

Nell: She bumped my nose.

Me: You were lying in the doorway.

Nell: You do realise I couldn’t go back to sleep after that.

Me: Why?

Nell: Because I knew David was still inside.

Me: And?

Nell: And if you told him to jump over me I might never see the light of day again.

Me: I didn’t say ‘jump’. I said ‘step’.

Nell: I’m not a hurdle.

Me: I know that.

Nell: Or a sack of potatoes.

Me: Nobody said you were.

Nell: All I was doing was enjoying a little ‘me time’.

Me: Well, don’t do it in the doorway.

Nell: One has to lie where the sun is.

Me: I have some good news.

Nell: Tell me.

Me: The recording of the animation demo in Vancouver and the UK went really well yesterday.

Nell: Good.

Me: Sunny and Gillian were fabulous as us. They made everyone laugh. Even the sound engineers.

Nell: I’m not funny.

Me: You are. You have a dry sense of humour.

Nell: I simply tell it how it is.

Me: In your world.

Nell: It’s a world we’re about to share with a whole new audience.

Me: I can hardly believe it’s happening.

Nell: Well, it is.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Nell: Why have you taken a photo of the back of David’s head?

Me: Look what he’s doing?

Nell: He’s sitting on your bed.

Me: Yes, and he’s looking at himself in the mirror.

Nell: No. He’s looking at the Other David.

Me: There isn’t another Dave.

Nell: Oh yes, there is.

Me: It’s a mirror.

Nell: That’s where the Other David lives. The Other Nell lives there, too. I try not to encourage her, of course, but I know she’s there.

Me: No. It’s you, Nell. It’s your reflection.

Nell: The best thing to do is to ignore them. They love attention. David says the Other David can play Cheeky Animals for hours and never looks away.

Me: That’s because there isn’t an Other David.

Nell: It’s fine. You live in your fantasy world. Back in the real world we choose to ignore them.

Me: I am in the real world.

Nell: Yes, right. Moving on, your idea of leg warmers for spiders has gone down really well.

Me: Has it?

Nell: Yes. The llamas have had leg warmers for years and Count Bingo Flamingo always makes sure his flamingos wear them in winter but the insects have been sadly neglected.

Me: They’re going to need sturdy legs to wear them. The Daddy Long Legs haven’t got a chance.

Nell: Yes. Rupert agrees. Fortunately the mice have it down to a fine art.

Me: What mice?

Nell: The Knitting Mice. They do all the delicate work for Knitwear Wolf.

Me: I thought the corgis did the knitting.

Nell: Corgis can only do so much. Have you seen their paws?

Me: They have sturdy little legs.

Nell: Sturdy little legs are not going to help knit leg warmers for spiders. Do try and be a little realistic.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: What do you think of my biscuit shots?

Nell: What are you talking about?

Me: My photos. Look at the concentration on your faces when Kev throws a biscuit.

Nell: There’s no point in taking part if you’re not going to concentrate.

Me: True.

Nell: It’s all about biscuit-eye-mouth coordination.

Me: You’re ever so good at it for your age.

Nell: I’ve had years of practise.

Me: I’m not sure I would be much good at it.

Nell: You would be dreadful and it would be most unbecoming.

Me: You’re right.

Nell: I usually am.

Me: It was lovely walking down by the river, wasn’t it?

Nell: Yes, especially now it’s less busy.

Me: You can see the seasons changing by the colour of the leaves.

Nell: Rupert was saying it’s time for the Knitwear Wolf Autumn Range.

Me: Will Harriet be modelling again?

Nell: Yes.

Me: Harriet is the colour of Autumn.

Nell: Yes, and she can carry off a scarf with style and aplomb.

Me: What a fabulous word.

Nell: I rather like it.

Me: Is Dave modelling, too?

Nell: Rupert would like him to model the Male Range if his schedule allows.

Me: He’s awfully busy trying recipes.

Nell: He’s also the Mayor of Kingsbridge.

Me: I think you should model the Senior Range. You would be ideal.

Nell: There isn’t one.

Me: Maybe there should be? We oldies like our scarves and shawls to be a bit warmer than the young ones.

Nell: You might have a point there.

Me: What about a Small Insect Range? Maybe leg warmers for spiders?

Nell: That’s enough. Quit while you’re ahead.

Me: Just saying.

Nell: Besides, Rupert already makes tiny tank tops for his smaller customers. You must have seen Henry and Horst wearing them.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: Look at my darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy.

Nell: He fell asleep waiting for his email to arrive.

Me: What email?

Nell: The one from Canterbury Bears. We heard you talking to them.

Me: That was a private conversation.

Nell: Our conversations are never private.

Me: I’m talking about my conversation with Canterbury Bears.

Nell: Anyway, I heard the preordering of the Cuddle Nells is starting today.

Me: Yes. We’ve moved it forward as there’s so much interest. It takes quite a time to make each Nell so the earlier people actually preorder one the better.

Nell: So everyone who registered interest will receive an email allowing them to preorder?

Me: Yes.

Nell: So where’s David’s?

Me: The emails are going out this afternoon. It’s Sunday. I’m surprised they’re going out at all.

Nell: My friend Dorothy is still in two minds.

Me: About Nigel?

Nell: No. About ordering a Cuddle Nell.

Me: Oh, she can preorder one at any time from this afternoon but I’d suggest she registers interest. The link is on our Facebook page.

Nell: She wanted to know if there is going to be a Cuddle Nigel.

Me: I think Dave and Harriet will be first.

Nell: Fair enough. Now, today’s Sunday Songs has an Autumn theme.

Me: You know it’s called Fall in North America.

Nell: We’re in Devon.

Me: Just saying.

Nell: Gladys and the llamas are performing an interpretive dance.

Me: How lovely.

Nell: As autumn leaves.

Me: Are the Welsh Corgi Choir dancing leaves, too?

Nell: Don’t be silly. Corgis don’t dance. Especially with trailing scarves.

Me: Have the llamas got trailing scarves?

Nell: Yes.

Me: Oh dear.

Nell: Quite. At least we have Sunday lunch to look forward to. Thank goodness for roast beef and Yorkshire puddings.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Nell: Would you like to explain yourself?

Me: I don’t know what I’ve done yet.

Nell: Harriet and David went on a long walk with Kev yesterday.

Me: They did.

Nell: Leaving me at home with you.

Me: I thought you’d like a little one-on-one time.

Nell: Try again. I wasn’t born yesterday as you’re about to point out.

Me: Fine. It’s become too tiring for you to walk very far now that you’re older, so Kev and I decided to split you up for some of your walks.

Nell: We’re a team.

Me: I know, but the puppies need a good walk. You and I can have a little amble around the orchard.

Nell: Amble around the orchard?

Me: You enjoy it.

Nell: I’ll consider it, if there’s a nice cup of Earl Grey and a scone afterwards.

Me: That’s not exactly the idea.

Nell: It’s non-negotiable.

Me: Half a scone then?

Nell: With jam and cream?

Me: Alright.

Nell: Moving on, I was Googling with Snoopy and Lucy in Canada about the animation series.

Me: I thought you Zoomed?

Nell: Zooming is very yesterday. It’s all about Google Meats nowadays.

Me: You mean Meets with an e.

Nell: I do not. Herr Hoffmann provided me with an excellent choice of German cold meats while I was Googling. Snoopy and Lucy only had hot dogs.

Me: Never mind.

Nell: One should never chat on an empty stomach.

Me: What was the meeting about?

Nell: They’re recording the demo for the animation series on Tuesday. Sunny will record it from a studio over here in the UK and Gillian will be in a studio in Vancouver.

Me: Isn’t it amazing to think two wonderful actresses will be playing us?

Nell: Personally, I would expect nothing less.

Me: Of course. Sorry.

Me: My goodness you all really missed Tony. He got a proper welcome and a tea towel from Dave.

Nell: He always gets a welcome.

Me: This was a huge one.

Nell: He’s been gone far too long.

Me: He had an injured ankle, and then he and Sue went on holiday.

Nell: Well, it was over a week.

Me: Everyone needs a holiday.

Nell: Still. We need our Tony visits.

Me: You know he won’t be our postman when we move house, Nell, don’t you?

Nell: Quiet. David doesn’t know about the change of postman.

Me: Maybe we should warn him?

Nell: There’s plenty of time for warnings. We haven’t even got a buyer yet.

Me: True.

Nell: Let the poor animal enjoy his time with Tony while he can.

Me: You’re making it sound awfully dramatic.

Nell: It is.

Me: Tony can still visit us. He and Sue will always be welcome.

Nell: Don’t forget Toby.

Me: Toby, too.

Nell: I don’t like change.

Me: Neither do I. But as you always say, needs must.

Nell: Sometimes I wish I wasn’t right all the time.

Me: You’re not. Anyway, I wanted to talk about the price of the Cuddle Nells.

Nell: They cost more than many people were expecting.

Me: That’s because they are handmade here in the UK and are collectors items. I didn’t want to go to China.

Nell: Canterbury Bears have created them especially for us.

Me: The high quality of the Cuddle Nells reflects the way I feel about you and my audience. You’re all very special and I don’t want to offer you anything that isn’t.

Nell: Yes.

Me: Does that make sense?

Nell: It does.

Me: I would buy everyone a Cuddle Nell if I could.

Nell: We know.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: Isn’t it lovely to see the sunshine again? I’m going to miss this view so much when we finally have to leave.

Nell: I know you are.

Me: Is Dave waiting for anyone? He’s been by the window for hours.

Nell: He’s waiting for the link.

Me: What?

Nell: The link to Canterbury Bears. You said you would be posting the link so people can register their interest in the Cuddle Nell.

Me: I didn’t mean post it like a letter, Nell.

Nell: Oh.

Me: I meant post it on here, as in sharing.

Nell: Well say ‘share‘ in future then. Good grief.

Me: I will.

Nell: Are you going to share it?

Me: Yes, It’s https://www.canterburybears.com/products/nell.

Nell: Thank you.

Me: Anyone who would like to be first in line for one of the Cuddle Nells can register there.

Nell: Good.

Me: And get a 10% discount.

Nell: Even better.

Me: Yes. It’s also important to know that the price covers shipping to anywhere in the world.

Nell: Our international friends will be happy about that.

Me: But Dave isn’t waiting in vain, Nell.

Nell: Why?

Me: Our Cuddle Nell is coming soon for the photos.

Nell: I noticed you called her a Cuddle Bear when you were talking to Kev.

Me: Yes. I keep doing that by accident.

Nell: She is not a bear. She’s a plush pedigree Labrador.

Me: Yes.

Nell: What about the two original Cuddle Nells?

Me: They’re coming home, too.

Nell: I’m glad. Just because they aren’t perfect, doesn’t mean they aren’t loved.

Me: Absolutely. Soon I shall have four Nells in the house.

Nell: I think you will find there is only one real Nell.

Me: Of course.

Nell: But I’m looking forward to sharing the Cuddle Nells with everyone.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: Why are you looking at me so reproachfully?

Nell: These early starts are exhausting.

Me: I’ve got my Wednesday Writers Workshop this morning, so I’m up early to get everything done in time.

Nell: Why do we have to be up, too?

Me: You’re not exactly up, Nell. You’re all asleep under the kitchen table.

Nell: We might appear to be asleep, but I can assure you we’re on full alert.

Me: The puppies are snoring.

Nell: Nonsense. They’re just resting their eyes.

Me: You know you claim not to like cuddles?

Nell: I don’t.

Me: It certainly looks like you’re cuddling up to Dave.

Nell: It’s a cold morning. I’m merely enjoying the warmth of David’s coat.

Me: It’s a snuggle.

Nell: I’m a senior Labrador. I feel the cold.

Me: Well, it’s adorable. Why are you on alert?

Nell: The Cuddle Nells might arrive at any moment.

Me: I suppose they might. I hadn’t thought of that.

Nell: Apparently they want a photo of me with the Cuddle Nell.

Me: I think they want a photo of us both with her for the press release.

Nell: Press release?

Me: Yes

Nell: Are we going to be front page news in the Daily Growl?

Me: I’m not sure if we’ll make the front page, but we might get a mention.

Nell: A mention?

Me: Yes.

Nell: I’m worth more than a mention.

Me: I completely agree, but unfortunately newspapers have to cover the news.

Nell: David was on the front page.

Me: He’s the Mayor of Kingsbridge.

Nell: Canterbury Bears don’t just choose anyone, you know.

Me: That’s true.

Nell: If our agent calls, tell them our news.

Me: We haven’t got an agent yet, or the front page.

Nell: You need to Think Big.

Me: Yes. Sorry.