Nell: I hope Nigel realises Alice is my girl.

Me: She’s nearly 40, Nell, and she’s actually my girl, if she’s anyone’s.

Nell: My friend Dorothy says Nigel goes to the groomers regularly for a special wash and brush.

Me: His coat is beautifully soft.

Nell: We never do that.

Me: You go swimming in the sea and the river and your coats are always shiny.

Nell: Did you notice I allowed Nigel the use of my yellow blanket?

Me: Very kind of you.

Nell: Rupert is organising a soft blanket for him to take home.

Me: Knitwear Wolf is such a thoughtful animal.

Nell: Now, you know this Sunday is going to be a little different.

Me: Yes. We’re going to the Vintage Steam Rally to see all the tractors.

Nell: Herr Hoffmann is taking a well deserved day off so there will be no roast today.

Me: That’s fine. He deserves a break.

Nell: He’s still providing bacon sandwiches for breakfast, however.

Me: How lovely.

Nell: And a picnic to take to the Rally.

Me: That doesn’t sound like a day off.

Nell: It’s just a selection of filled rolls, ham, chicken, or cheese, a few quiches and a carrot cake.

Me: That’s more than enough.

Nell: Not with David around.

Me: True.

Nell: Sunday Songs will also be brief and tractor based as the Welsh Corgi Choir are performing at the Rally.

Me: With the Whippets Institute Big Band?

Nell: No. They’re in charge of the tea tent and up to their eyes in scones.

Me: Talking of tea, could I have a biscuit?

Nell: Unfortunately not. We seem to have run out.

Me: It’s that lion again.

Nell: Surely you can manage without biscuits for one day. You’re having bacon sandwiches and a picnic.

Me: Sorry.

Me: Why are you sulking at the bottom of the stairs?

Nell: I do not have a button nose.

Me: You sort of do, Nell.

Nell: I have a classic Labrador nose. Why does it need discussing?

Me: The only reason Tony and I were discussing noses is because of the soft toys. One has a firmer nose than the other, and Tony found it more Labradorial.

Nell: Those stuffed Nells are getting far too much attention, if you ask me.

Me: We’re just trying to work out if you could put one nose on the other one and maybe raise its head a little.

Nell: I don’t blame it for hanging its head. All this fuss.

Me: You’re not getting jealous of a soft toy, are you?

Nell: There was a time when Tony would choose to cuddle us dogs.

Me: He still cuddles you all.

Nell: I’m not sure David will recover from this.

Me: Dave’s absolutely fine. He’s getting more than enough attention from Faye. She was combing his hair for hours.

Nell: Yes. He enjoyed that. He sent Sally a photo on WoofsApp.

Me: And I saw you sharing Faye’s cereal.

Nell: I was merely licking the bowl.

Me: The reason we’re all so excited about the soft toys, Nell, is because it’s another way of sharing you with everyone.

Nell: What do you mean?

Me: At the moment people can read about you and see photos and even videos of you, but soon they can actually cuddle you.

Nell: But I don’t like being cuddled.

Me: I know, but the soft toys do. In fact, they love it.

Nell: Yes, they do.

Me: Think of them as little Cuddly Nells. Spreading love across the world.

Nell: Calm down. They’re just soft toys.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: We’d better tell everyone who hasn’t seen the videos about our exciting news.

Nell: Yes.

Me: We weren’t sure if we were allowed to post the videos in the groups so if you want to see them please go to our page Conversations with Nell on Facebook, or Instagram.

Nell: There are two videos on Facebook.

Me: Yes. One for each Nell.

Nell: You’d best explain.

Me: A while ago I received an email from a British company called Canterbury Bears asking if I would consider collaborating with them on producing a Nell soft toy.

Nell: They’re based in Kent in the UK and produce the most beautiful top quality teddy bears and other animals.

Me: This has always been a dream of mine, so I said ‘Yes, please’.

Nell: You did.

Me: And imagine my delight when two sample Nells arrived.

Nell: We’re supposed to choose between the two but it’s a difficult decision.

Me: Any feedback would be much appreciated. I’m going to take a few more photos and possibly post another video so you can see them.

Nell: They are exceptionally soft and cuddly.

Me: Faye and Jonathan love them as you can hear in the video.

Nell: Enough about me, you need to go and reassure David.

Me: Why? Has something happened?

Nell: David cannot understand why there isn’t a Dave soft toy.

Me: There isn’t a Harriet soft toy either.

Nell: I know, but Harriet is more understanding. David is devastated.

Me: Darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy. He has no need to be sad. If there’s enough interest in the Nell soft toy I’m sure Canterbury Bears would consider making a great big Dave one.

Nell: Don’t say ‘great big’. He’ll be expecting a Dave the size of the Stuffed Tiger.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: I can’t believe it’s raining again.

Nell: I can.

Me: But we’ve got another viewing this afternoon.

Nell: Seriously?

Me: Yes.

Nell: Are you trying to tell me we’re going to have to move the whole family out into the wind and rain on their summer holidays?

Me: We can’t be here for the viewing, Nell.

Nell: I don’t even know if The Cat has enough sou’westers in its Dressing Up Box.

Me: I’m not sure we need sou’westers. A light rain jacket is enough.

Nell: At least we have Wellington Boots. Jonathan’s feet are nearly the same size as yours, so he can wear your old ones, and Faye can wear his.

Me: Most of the animals can shelter in The Barn. The potential buyers probably won’t go there and as long as they don’t feel the need to climb a tree, Beauregard, Roary and Mrs King should be fine in the Tree House.

Nell: I can’t see them climbing trees, to be honest.

Me: No. Probably not.

Nell: Definitely not. I shall be very glad when all this selling the house is over.

Me: You and me both.

Nell: Now, it’s such a gloomy day I thought we should pass on some good news.

Me: What do you mean?

Nell: You know. The exciting new collaboration.

Me: You mean the special parcel that arrived for me?

Nell: Yes.

Me: I’m not sure.

Nell: Alice filmed it.

Me: I know.

Nell: And we should share it.

Me: Should we?

Nell: Yes. Then people can help us make a decision.

Me: They could, I suppose.

Nell: It’s something we’ve all talked about in the past.

Me: It is.

Nell: And something you’ve always wanted.

Me: I have.

Nell: So, let’s share the video.

Me: Maybe later. Let’s see. Sorry.

Me: Look at you, enjoying a stroking from the children.

Nell: They are very kind and gentle and it is much appreciated.

Me: I thoroughly enjoyed our family dinner yesterday. Wasn’t it funny when Dave fell asleep under the table?

Nell: He shouldn’t have tried to pogo. I told him it would end in tears.

Me: He wasn’t upset at all when he kept falling off. Darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy. He just got straight back on again.

Nell: He wanted to beat Harriet, but she is simply too skilled.

Me: Harriet is awfully good on a pogo stick, isn’t she? And so is Knitwear Wolf.

Nell: Yes, Rupert surprised me when he decided to give it a try.

Me: He probably couldn’t stand watching that dreadful lion bouncing around.

Nell: Don’t start all that again. Lionel simply used to pogo a lot in his younger days.

Me: I bet he did.

Nell: What’s that supposed to mean?

Me: He was exceptionally good at it, Nell. He even pogoed up some steps.

Nell: So did Harriet, and Rupert, come to think of it.

Me: The children absolutely loved it. Especially when Herr Hoffmann came out of the kitchen and gave it a try.

Nell: Frau Hoffmann was not amused. He was in the middle of cooking the Swedish meatballs.

Me: They were delicious. The best we’ve had.

Nell: Yes. Herr Hoffmann definitely needs to stick to cooking.

Me: We don’t need the World Pogo Championship anymore. Lionel King is obviously up to his old tricks again.

Nell: Nothing is obvious. You should know that. Besides, Lionel doesn’t even like salad, or tigers.

Me: He likes biscuits and they are what keep getting stolen.

Nell: I know. A cup of tea without a biscuit is not the same.

Me: No. Sorry.

Me: We had a lovely time at Dog and Dash, didn’t we?

Nell: Yes, it’s always a joy to go there.

Me: The good thing about the activity field is that everyone gets a run.

Nell: Excuse me?

Me: Well, you and I get more of an amble, but we’re still on the move, which is a very good thing.

Nell: David particularly enjoyed running with the children.

Me: So did Harriet.

Nell: Moving on, Herr Hoffmann tells me Swedish meatballs are on the menu this evening with mashed potatoes and runner beans from the garden.

Me: Yes. Charlotte, Scarlett and Kacpar are coming to dinner.

Nell: My suggestion would be that any pogoing should be done before dinner. It’s not something one wants to do on a full stomach.

Me: You’re right. Do we have enough pogo sticks for everyone?

Nell: I’m going to go out on a limb here and suggest your sister Charlotte might want to join us in sitting this one out.

Me: Most definitely.

Nell: Then the llamas’ pogo sticks will be enough.

Me: Typical of the llamas to go and get pogo sticks. I knew they would love the idea of a World Pogo Championship.

Nell: It’s a Kingsbridge Championship and Gladys and the llamas have had pogo sticks for years. Haven’t you noticed them practising in the field?

Me: Gosh. I hope the heavy one legged animal isn’t a llama. Do they like odd salad?

Nell: The animal isn’t one legged at all. Remember? And it won’t be a llama because they know there’s no bouncing allowed in the orchard.

Me: Oh good. But I’m afraid Beauregard is a suspect then.

Nell: Why?

Me: Everyone knows tigers love to bounce.

Nell: I think you’ll find that’s Tiggers not Tigers.

Me: Oh yes. Sorry.

Me: I think you were very wise to stay at the top of the river bank this time.

Nell: Yes, I had a good view of everyone from up there and much as I enjoy a cooling paddle, I didn’t feel the need to clamber down.

Me: I understand.

Nell: Sometimes one must simply recognise one’s limits.

Me: Yes.

Nell: Moving on, there’s been an interesting development in the search for the one legged heavy animal.

Me: Tell me more.

Nell: Jonathan and Faye discovered a pogo stick hidden behind the shed.

Me: A pogo stick?

Nell: Yes.

Me: The thing you jump up and down on?

Nell: Not me, personally, but yes.

Me: So the one legged heavy animal might have been using a pogo stick to get around?

Nell: No. This means it probably isn’t a one legged heavy animal at all.

Me: Oh, I see.

Nell: It could be anyone.

Me: Not really anyone, Nell. You’d have to be pretty fit to pogo up our stairs to the bedroom and then jump onto the wardrobe to share an odd salad with a Stuffed Tiger.

Nell: Nobody said anyone pogoed up the stairs. The tracks were found in the orchard.

Me: So, it could be two different animals?

Nell: Not necessarily. It just doesn’t have to be heavy, or missing a leg.

Me: That narrows the search to everyone.

Nell: Not completely. You need to be able to pogo.

Me: Well, it definitely wasn’t me then.

Nell: Obviously.

Me: I’ve had an idea.

Nell: Oh dear.

Me: How about organising a World Pogo Championship?

Nell: I beg your pardon?

Me: Whoever wins is our culprit.

Nell: Actually, we only need to know who can pogo. And could we start with Kingsbridge rather than the world?

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Nell: Bonjour. Is that your sister Charlotte’s garden?

Me: Yes.

Nell: And there’s her daughter Scarlett and a strange boy.

Me: He’s not a strange boy. He’s Scarlett’s boyfriend Kaspar.

Nell: Naughty Nigel appears to be sitting in a paddling pool.

Me: He was supervising the filling of the pool for Jonathan and Faye.

Nell: We test the water by drinking.

Me: I thought you were just thirsty.

Nell: Why didn’t you tell me you were going to see Charlotte?

Me: I thought you knew.

Nell: I’m the head of the family. I should have been there.

Me: I’m not sure you can call yourself that.

Nell: I just did.

Me: There’s no need to be jealous as they’re all coming here on Tuesday evening.

Nell: Herr Hoffmann will have to cook Swedish meatballs.

Me: Why?

Nell: They’re Scarlett’s favourite.

Me: Don’t tell him that now as he’s probably busy preparing the Sunday roast.

Nell: He and Manuel are still on breakfast duty. They’ve been flipping pancakes for hours.

Me: Can I have one?

Nell: You’ll have to wait your turn. Performers first.

Me: Performers?

Nell: Didn’t you notice the queue of corgis?

Me: I did wonder.

Nell: The Welsh Corgi Choir have a particularly challenging repertoire at Sunday Songs today so Frau Hoffmann suggested pancakes might help.

Me: Why?

Nell: They’re light and filling with a French flair.

Me: French?

Nell: Sunday Songs is in French this morning in honour of the Paris Olympics.

Me: I hope we’re still having roast beef and all the trimmings.

Nell: You mean ‘rosbif’. Where’s your beret?

Me: I don’t have one.

Nell: Never mind. David has a spare one in case of emergencies.

Me: What if it’s full of bacon?

Nell: Any bacon will be a distant memory.

Me: Of course. Sorry.

Me: Dave shouldn’t really be using the paddling pool as a large water bowl.

Nell: He’s thirsty. It’s all the bacon sandwiches he’s been eating for Glenys Williams.

Me: Darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy. I noticed Faye was keeping watch with Harriet.

Nell: Yes. After consultation with Sally in London, and Henry and Horst here in Devon, both Faye and Jonathan have been accepted as temporary spies.

Me: Gosh. What an honour. Do we know why?

Nell: Because they are kind and curious children.

Me: They’re not curious.

Nell: In the sense of inquisitive and interested, not strange.

Me: I’m inquisitive and interesting.

Nell: I said ‘interested’ and no, you cannot become a spy.

Me: I still have my all-encasing hat.

Nell: Not happening.

Me: What, or rather who, are they spying on?

Nell: I should have thought that was obvious.

Me: Not the Stuffed Tiger again? It’s stuffed, Nell.

Nell: The Stuffed Tiger is under investigation but Mothew has that covered now that his wings are clean.

Me: Getting honey off a moth’s wings can’t have been easy

Nell: It wasn’t. David had to take his time and lick very carefully.

Me: Dave licked the honey off?

Nell: Of course. David has a surprisingly gentle lick for a large animal and he is the Mayor of Kingsbridge.

Me: What’s that got to do with the price of fish?

Nell: Don’t bring fish into it, please.

Me: So, why was Faye with Dave and Harriet at the front gate?

Nell: They’re looking for the one legged heavy animal.

Me: It’s not just going to hop by, Nell.

Nell: It will when it knows there’s odd salad for lunch.

Me: I’m a bit saladed out, Nell. Can’t we have something else?

Nell: It’s not for you. Do keep up.

Me: Sorry.

Me: I’m so glad we all went over to the orchard after dinner. It was magical.

Nell: Faye was running around with Harriet.

Me: I even played some football with Jonny, Kev and Dave.

Nell: Alice and I had a very pleasant conversation.

Me: What about?

Nell: Never you mind.

Me: You’ve always enjoyed your heart to hearts with Alice.

Nell: She’s a sensible young woman.

Me: She’ll be 40 in October.

Nell: That’s still young.

Me: True.

Nell: Jonathan and Kev found some very odd tracks in the orchard.

Me: What do you mean?

Nell: They looked like they were from a rather heavy one legged animal.

Me: We don’t know any one legged animals, apart from Malcolm.

Nell: Malcolm’s a flamingo and he’s definitely not heavy.

Me: Do you think it might like odd salad?

Nell: Who?

Me: The one legged animal?

Nell: How should I know?

Me: Just asking.

Nell: Why?

Me: I thought it might be a friend of the Stuffed Tiger’s.

Nell: I worry about you sometimes.

Me: It might be a very tall one legged animal who likes to share.

Nell: Good grief.

Me: If you were a tall one legged animal and you were upstairs chatting to the Stuffed Tiger, the top of the wardrobe would be the obvious place to put it.

Nell: What?

Me: The odd salad

Nell: How would a tall one legged animal get up the stairs unnoticed?

Me: With difficulty, I should imagine. Especially carrying an odd salad.

Nell: You do far too much imagining.

Me: It’s a theory.

Nell: Back in the real world, Mothew fell into the honey, so breakfast will be late.

Me: Herr Hoffmann must be annoyed. Actually, he’s quite heavy. Did you notice if he had both his legs?

Nell: Stop.

Me: Sorry.