Me: Why is Dave wearing a feathered hat?
Nell: Why do you think?
Me: Well, it is a bit cold this morning.
Nell: It’s got nothing to do with the weather. Buckingham Palace just called.
Me: That’s nice. Why?
Nell: Why do you think?
Me: I don’t know. That’s why I asked.
Nell: David’s won. He’s been voted the Best Mayor in the United Kingdom
Me: Gosh. That is a feather in his cap. See what I did there?
Nell: Very droll.
Me: It’s wonderful news. We need to celebrate.
Nell: We’re starting with bacon sandwiches and Herr Hoffmann is making David a special cake for tea.
Me: How lovely.
Nell: The ceremony is taking place at Buckingham Palace on Saturday and David is allowed three guests.
Me: That will be you, Sally and Harriet, I suppose?
Nell: Yes. Mr Giggles has offered to drive us to London in Lionel’s car.
Me: You have to be joking, Nell. You can’t possibly be considering letting that mad elderly hyena drive you anywhere.
Nell: Calm down and stop being so ageist.
Me: Why don’t you take the train? Or let Knitwear Wolf drive you?
Nell: I’m not arriving at Buckingham Palace on a motorbike.
Me: Sally can’t have agreed to this.
Nell: She doesn’t know yet.
Me: I’m going to tell her.
Nell: Lionel has a lovely big car and Mr Giggles is an experienced driver.
Me: I give up.
Nell: Good. Now, do I wear my pearls?
Me: I’m still telling Sally.
Nell: Go ahead. I expect David’s already spoken to her.
Me: What about the Whippets’ Institute minibus?
Nell: What about it?
Me: Wouldn’t that be a better idea?
Nell: Have you seen it lately? It’s on its last legs.
Me: A bit like Mr Giggles.
Nell: Enough.
Me: Sorry.
