Nell: David keeps hogging the fire. You need to talk to him.
Me: I’d rather talk to you.
Nell: Obviously, but you need to talk to David about sharing the fire.
Me: He was quietly warming himself and thinking thoughts. Let him be. Darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy.
Nell: You know he’s wasting away. All the salad we’ve been eating without even a slice of Poppy’s quiche, or a warm scone for later.
Me: It’s salad I wanted to discuss with you.
Nell: Why?
Me: Kev sent me a photo of you eating your salad.
Nell: If you’re going to criticise me for discarding the lettuce, don’t, because David ate it.
Me: I’m not, but I was shocked to see how you were eating it.
Nell: What do you mean?
Me: Your back legs and rear end were still on the yellow chair.
Nell: Could we not discuss my rear end, please?
Me: You were half on and half off.
Nell: I was tired so I used a Labrador yoga pose and slithered.
Me: Slithered?
Nell: Haven’t you seen a Labrador do that before?
Me: I’m not sure.
Nell: When leaving a bed, chair, or sofa we place our front legs on the floor and gentle slither off keeping our back legs straight.
Me: That’s laziness, Nell. Not a yoga pose.
Nell: It’s quite difficult you know. You should try it.
Me: No, thank you.
Nell: Anyway, the latest on the missing recipe book is that The Cat is going to the French Cafe to take tea, or probably cafe au lait, in a large picture hat.
Me: Any reason for the hat, apart from a fashion statement?
Nell: Of course. Henry and Horst are travelling on it with Sidney Spider and his webcam. Do keep up.
Me: Yes. Sorry.
