Nell: You’re not going to believe this.
Me: Is it snowing?
Nell: No, I think we’re too close to the sea for all that.
Me: What’s happened?
Nell: David just told me something extremely troubling.
Me: If you’re referring to the scrambled egg disaster, I already know.
Nell: What are you talking about?
Me: Dave ate Sir Roger Blubbery’s scrambled eggs.
Nell: What was Sir Roger doing here for breakfast? He usually has his with Princess in the pool.
Me: It’s too cold this morning, Nell.
Nell: They’re seals. They like the cold.
Me: They’re Devon seals and they’re royal. It’s completely different.
Nell: They’re not royal. Poppy knighted Sir Roger. Remember?
Me: Anyway, what did Dave tell you?
Nell: He found something odd in the back garden.
Me: That’s not news. I’d be surprised if he didn’t find something odd in the back garden. We’ve let it grow wild.
Nell: It was a blue mushroom.
Me: A blue mushroom? Now, that is odd.
Nell: Told you.
Me: He didn’t eat it, did he?
Nell: Of course not. It wasn’t real.
Me: How did he see it then?
Nell: I meant it was a fake mushroom.
Me: I see. Very interesting.
Nell: And that isn’t all.
Me: Go on.
Nell: It was speaking French.
Me: Okay, now I know you’re winding me up.
Nell: I am not.
Me: Are you seriously trying to tell me that Dave found a French speaking fake blue mushroom in the back garden?
Nell: Yes. I have the photos to prove it.
Me: Well, I’ve heard it all now. What was it saying?
Nell: He doesn’t know. David doesn’t speak French.
Me: It might not even be French then. It could be Swedish.
Nell: It mentioned a baguette.
Me: Right, that makes complete sense. Sorry.
