We’ve Been Expecting You, Mr Bond

Me: You could definitely be a villain in a Bond movie.

Nell: I beg your pardon?

Me: When I woke up this morning to find you three doing your ‘We’ve been expecting you, Mr Bond’ faces you were the only one keeping it going.

Nell: Nonsense.

Me: Harriet tried her best but my darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy couldn’t do it.

Nell: Do what?

Me: Stare at me in the unwavering way you do.

Nell: We have urgent matters to discuss.

Me: My bed is lovely and warm.

Nell: Never mind that. How’s your French?

Me: If you think I’m going outside in the rain to talk to a blue mushroom then you’ve got another think coming.

Nell: David says it mentioned a pain au chocolat. I know that’s your favourite.

Me: Why on earth is it talking about pastries?

Nell: That’s what we want to know.

Me: My French isn’t very good, Nell. I can speak fluent German if that’s any help?

Nell: It isn’t.

Me: Do we know any French Bulldogs?

Nell: Right, we’ve had this discussion before. A French Bulldog is a breed. It doesn’t mean it speaks French. Jeremy is a French Bulldog and he doesn’t speak a word.

Me: Who’s Jeremy?

Nell: Never mind that now. You don’t think all German Shepherds speak German, do you?

Me: Charlie did.

Nell: Charlie was exceptional.

Me: True.

Nell: So, are you going to try?

Me: Try what?

Nell: Try and talk to the mushroom.

Me: Can’t I have my breakfast first?

Nell: It’s all about breakfast, although the baguettes could be for lunch I suppose.

Me: I’m confused.

Nell: We think the blue mushroom is taking orders.

Me: Like a drive through?

Nell: Yes.

Me: Without the driving?

Nell: Obviously. It’s in our garden.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

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