Nell: What do you think of these photos?

Me: You and Harriet look absolutely lovely.

Nell: Thank you. Lionel said exactly the same thing when he saw them.

Me: Did he indeed? What about Knitwear Wolf?

Nell: Rupert hasn’t seen them yet. He’s gone to collect a friend from the station.

Me: Did you just say A Friend?

Nell: Not A Friend. Just a friend of his from the Dartmoor Knitting Circle.

Me: Rupert runs a Knitting Circle on Dartmoor?

Nell: He runs Knitting Circles all over Devon. He’s even thinking of branching out into Cornwall.

Me: Goodness me. How does he manage to do that and deliver the papers?

Nell: He’s the coordinator and he doesn’t just deliver papers.

Me: I know. So who is this friend then? Male, or female.

Nell: Her name is Bovey Tracey and she’s an Old English Sheepdog, if you must know.

Me: Interesting. Can she sing?

Nell: I have no idea. Probably. Most sheepdogs can. Why?

Me: Sunday Songs are starting soon and I thought she might like to join in.

Nell: I see.

Me: Is she staying for lunch?

Nell: Yes. Poppy’s making extra Yorkshires if that’s what you’re worried about.

Me: So, Knitwear Wolf has a new lady friend with beautifully fluffy hair who can knit.

Nell: Why are you smiling?

Me: I think your nose is going to be put severely out of joint.

Nell: What are you talking about?

Me: Rupert wasn’t going to wait for ever. He was bound to move on.

Nell: Move on where?

Me: There you were dillying and dallying with that wretched lion ignoring what was right under your nose.

Nell: Bovey Tracey is merely an acquaintance.

Me: You only have yourself to blame if she isn’t.

Nell: Nonsense.

Me: The truth hurts. Sorry.

Me: Well, that was a lovely surprise, wasn’t it?

Nell: Are we talking about the painting of David again?

Me: Yes. When Allan Shaw sent me the photos of his painting I was really impressed. He’s a Devon artist and after seeing my photo of Dave he knew he wanted to paint him.

Nell: You know all this has gone straight to David’s head, don’t you?

Me: But he has such a lovely head. Darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy.

Nell: He’s walking around the house like a king.

Me: He is a king to me. Bless him.

Nell: I don’t know why David was chosen. There are others just as deserving.

Me: Do I detect a hint of jealousy?

Nell: Of course not. I’m merely stating the facts. The Cat isn’t helping either.

Me: What do you mean?

Nell: Filling his head with nonsense.

Me: What nonsense?

Nell: It thinks David could have a career as a model. It says it can see him on the catwalks of the world.

Me: I think he’d prefer a dog walk in Devon.

Nell: Very funny.

Me: I’m not sure he should be wearing your tiara and pearls, though. You only just got them back.

Nell: I beg your pardon?

Me: He’s in the field with Gladys and the llamas.

Nell: Good grief.

Me: If those nasty Baddies are watching him they might swoop in and steal them.

Nell: Stop talking to me then and get him to come back inside.

Me: We should let him finish his workout first.

Nell: Do you mean to say David is Gliding with Gladys in my tiara and pearls?

Me: The llamas are gliding too and it looks like the Whippets Institute minibus just arrived so he won’t be alone.

Nell: I give up.

Me: Sorry.

Me: The good thing about half term is that you make new friends when you go to the beach.

Nell: I wouldn’t say exchanging pleasantries with a mature Chocolate Labrador is making friends exactly. I’m not expecting to be on her Christmas card list.

Me: People don’t really send cards anymore.

Nell: You know what I mean.

Me: You were chatting for ages.

Nell: I was telling her about your book, if you must know, and she was rather excited to be meeting a local celebrity.

Me: I wouldn’t call myself that and I didn’t actually meet her.

Nell: I’m talking about me. I’m the one everyone wants to meet.

Me: That’s true. People are always delighted to actually meet you. Harriet had great fun with that Golden Labrador.

Nell: Yes. Goldens can be playful.

Me: I like to see visitors enjoying our beach. It’s such a beautiful place and good to share it with others.

Nell: It’s not what you say when you get stuck in a traffic jam.

Me: That’s different. It used to be a nightmare in the summer when I lived in Torquay.

Nell: We haven’t been there for a long time.

Me: No. I’ve been thinking of doing one of my nostalgic visits again. Where I grew up, my old school, you know the kind of thing.

Nell: I do.

Me: My mother and her sister lived in this wonderful Victorian mansion. My grandmother was the housekeeper.

Nell: Yes, you told me.

Me: The elderly ladies she worked for had animal heads on the walls. They terrified me when we visited.

Nell: That’s absolutely outrageous. Heads on walls. Whatever next?

Me: It’s what people used to do.

Nell: They can jolly well stop. I don’t want to hear another word about it.

Me: No. Sorry

Nell: Thank you for the sandwiches.

Me: My pleasure.

Nell: Now tell everyone what the nurse said.

Me: Well, it was definitely good news in the main.

Nell: Carry on.

Me: The scar’s healing nicely, apart from one small area, and there’s no sign of melanoma. They checked everywhere including my lymph nodes.

Nell: Good news, indeed.

Me: But a red mark on my arm, which was worrying me, bothered her too, so she called in a senior doctor who confirmed it was Basal Cell Carcinoma.

Nell: What’s that?

Me: It’s a mild form of skin cancer but it doesn’t spread.

Nell: What can they do about it?

Me: I have to put cream on it twice a day for four weeks. They’re hoping this will burn it away.

Nell: Did you say burn?

Me: Yes. It’s an aggressive cream and will make things much worse before they get better.

Nell: That doesn’t sound very pleasant.

Me: I don’t care as long as it gets rid of the cancer.

Nell: What if it doesn’t?

Me: Then they’ll have to cut it out. Unfortunately the waiting list is long but that’s ok.

Nell: Yes. We’ve dealt with this before and we can again.

Me: Exactly. All in all I’m extremely relieved.

Nell: So, why are we having to wait downstairs then? David is particularly distressed. He’s been chewing his paw.

Me: The cream is extremely toxic to dogs so I’m waiting until it’s dry and I can cover it. I can’t risk you licking me.

Nell: When will that be?

Me: About 30 mins.

Nell: I’m not sure David can get through the wait without bacon.

Me: It’s Thursday, Nell. Thursday isn’t a bacon day.

Nell: Nonsense. Every day is a bacon day. Particularly in times of stress.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Nell: So, when do you think you’ll be back from the hospital?

Me: I’m not sure, Nell.

Nell: Are you certain you don’t need me to come with you?

Me: No. Kev’s back now so he can take me and I prefer knowing you’re keeping an eye on everyone.

Nell: Who are you seeing this time?

Me: It’s my cancer check up with Sophie. She’s going to check the scar is healing and look for any other suspicious moles or marks.

Nell: How are you feeling?

Me: Very nervous, if I’m honest. There are a couple of moles I wouldn’t have thought twice about in the past but now I’m worried they might be cancerous.

Nell: It’s completely normal to worry. Anyone would, especially with your history. Your friends in the cancer group all feel the same way.

Me: Yes. I shall just have to unleash that inner warrior again.

Nell: Exactly. You need to see this check up as a positive thing. They are keeping an eye on you and making sure you are safe and well.

Me: You’re right. Thank goodness for the NHS. It’s always better to know rather than imagine.

Nell: It is. You may have nothing to worry about.

Me: I hope so but I’m preparing myself that they might decide to remove some of them to be on the safe side.

Nell: If they do then we will deal with it just like we did last time.

Me: It really helps knowing you have my back.

Nell: Always, we all do.

Me: Thank you.

Nell: Now, should you be passing a Barks and Spencer we wouldn’t say no to a few treats. Their sandwiches are particularly delicious.

Me: Don’t tell Poppy that.

Nell: Poppy’s choice is smoked salmon and cream cheese.

Me: Right. Sorry.

Me: It’s so good to have Kev back again.

Nell: Yes.

Me: The first thing he wanted to do was go to the beach.

Nell: We were happy to go with him.

Me: He needed to breathe some sea air after being locked in that horrible cell.

Nell: Now, Sally has asked me to go through some of the things we discussed.

Me: If you want to remind me that I’m not supposed to tell anyone that Kev’s secretly working undercover for Sally there’s no need to.

Nell: Really? Isn’t that what you’ve just done?

Me: My followers aren’t going to tell anyone.

Nell: Are you sure about that?

Me: Yes. We’re a tight knit community. We’ll only discuss it amongst ourselves.

Nell: I hope so.

Me: I had to let them know Kev’s innocent. I can’t have anyone thinking he would do wrong.

Nell: But it’s absolutely vital that the Baddies think Kev is capable of stealing from us.

Me: I don’t really understand why.

Nell: It’s best you know as little as possible.

Me: Sally said you were a target.

Nell: Yes, because of my royal connections.

Me: And Sally knew they were planning to steal your tiara and pearls so Kev hid them but made it look like he’d stolen them.

Nell: Yes.

Me: But what about the Stuffed Animals?

Nell: Kev wanted to draw attention to himself.

Me: Why?

Nell: In the hope that the Baddies would approach him to work for them.

Me: And did they?

Nell: I wouldn’t worry about that now.

Me: It’s Valentine’s Day today, Nell.

Nell: Yes, I know.

Me: Did you get any cards?

Nell: I might have done.

Me: Who from?

Nell: Never you mind. Just go and cuddle your Valentine and be thankful he’s home.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: Are you sure Kev’s coming home?

Nell: Yes. Woodlouse and Woodlouse made it clear to the police that they had no right keeping their client in jail any longer so they’ve let him go.

Me: I can’t help thinking there’s more to this than meets the eye.

Nell: Yes. Harriet seems particularly concerned. She’s been waiting by the window ever since we heard Kev had been released.

Me: She knows more than she’s letting on if you ask me.

Nell: Sally has asked for a meeting with us all when Kev gets back, by the way.

Me: With me too?

Nell: Yes.

Me: How exciting. I hope my theory isn’t right.

Nell: Here we go.

Me: I don’t want Kev to be a master criminal.

Nell: Good grief.

Me: And I really don’t want him jet setting all over the world stealing jewellery and moving stuffed animals.

Nell: I give up.

Me: The last few days without him have been awful.

Nell: Yes, they have.

Me: I don’t know why he took your tiara and pearls, if that’s what he did, but I’m sure he had a very good reason.

Nell: So am I, and he definitely did. His fingerprints were found on them. That’s why he was arrested.

Me: I’m surprised The Cat reported him.

Nell: It didn’t. It had no idea they were in there until they were found.

Me: Why did it say ‘sorry’ then?

Nell: Because it was.

Me: I wonder who reported him?

Nell: Probably the same someone who leaked the photos to the Daily Growl.

Me: Yes. Have you seen Miss Maple and the Dachshund Boys recently? They weren’t at breakfast.

Nell: They had to leave.

Me: Another mystery to solve?

Nell: I’m not sure this one is solved yet.

Me: No. Sorry.

Me: Why are Dave and Harriet watching the sky?

Nell: We’re expecting a Royal Owl Force flyover.

Me: In support of Kev?

Nell: Yes. Owl Pacino is outraged at his incarceration. They will be carrying a banner saying ‘We Believe In You Kev’.

Me: Dave told me Sunday Songs is dedicated to Kev today.

Nell: It is. The Welsh Corgi Choir are singing ‘I will Survive’ and other rousing anthems and Gladys and the Llamas are performing a fearless interpretive dance.

Me: Why is it fearless?

Nell: I dread to think.

Me: I wish Kev was here to see it all.

Nell: Henry and Horst are confident that he will be home by tomorrow. Moving stuffed animals around is not a criminal offence.

Me: What about the jewellery?

Nell: We aren’t going to press charges and nobody knows if Kev put it in The Cat’s dressing up box.

Me: Why did The Cat say ‘sorry’ then? I presumed it was because it knew Kev was involved.

Nell: It definitely knows something.

Me: I don’t understand why Kev won’t cooperate. This tapping the nose thing is so annoying.

Nell: Yes, and talking of annoying we could do without the Beefies joining in.

Me: What do you mean?

Nell: Haven’t you heard them shouting ‘Poor Kev’ and ‘Free the Devon One’?

Me: Is that what they’re saying?

Nell: Yes. Anyway, you’ll be pleased to hear that Poppy has baked a cake.

Me: Good. Cake is so comforting.

Nell: Not for you. For Kev.

Me: For when he gets home?

Nell: No. She’s taking it to him today.

Me: Has it got a file inside so he can saw his way out?

Nell: No, it’s got strawberry jam in the middle because that’s his favourite. This is Devon not Alcatraz.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: You and Poppy look rather down in the dumps. Has there been any news?

Nell: Of sorts, and you’re not going to believe this.

Me: Is it about Kev? Is he okay?

Nell: Yes and No, not really.

Me: Just tell me.

Nell: Have you seen the Daily Growl this morning?

Me: No. I’ve been writing.

Nell: I don’t know how they got hold of the photos but they’re on the front page.

Me: Show me.

Nell: Come downstairs and have a quick look at them with a nice cup of sweet tea and some hot buttered toast.

Me: I don’t want any toast and I don’t like sugar in my tea.

Nell: You might need it.

Me: Oh, alright.

Nell: David is waiting in the living room to give you physical and moral support.

Me: Goodness me. Where are they?

Nell: Here.

Me: Oh no. Kev looks like a criminal and he’s in a horrible heartless cell.

Nell: Yes. It is rather nasty. On the upside he looks more annoyed than worried.

Me: Yes, he does look a bit defiant.

Nell: He definitely isn’t sorry.

Me: No.

Nell: Unlike The Cat.

Me: Is The Cat locked up too?

Nell: No, it’s been allowed home but it’s still helping the police with their enquiries.

Me: Why is Kev still in there then?

Nell: He isn’t helping the police with their enquiries at all.

Me: You don’t think he’s tapping his nose at them, do you?

Nell: It’s a distinct possibility.

Me: We have to get him out.

Nell: Yes. Henry and Horst are on the case.

Me: Henry and Horst?

Nell: They used to be solicitors in a former life. Woodlouse and Woodlouse.

Me: I’ve heard it all now.

Nell: I said you wouldn’t believe it.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

Me: Are we playing Cheeky Animals?

Nell: We are not.

Me: I saw you stick your tongue out at me.

Nell: Nonsense. My throat is a little dry after an extremely upsetting incident.

Me: You can’t fool me. Cheeky Animal. I win.

Nell: Didn’t you hear the barking just now?

Me: Yes. What was all that about?

Nell: Kev has been taken into custody.

Me: What?

Nell: He is refusing to cooperate with the police like a Good Person.

Me: Oh dear.

Nell: Which makes him Extremely Naughty.

Me: It does.

Nell: And even verging on being a Bad Person.

Me: Kev’s not a Bad Person.

Nell: That’s what we were trying to tell PC Panda but he won’t listen. He said Kev was ‘deliberately trying to obstruct police investigations’ and maybe a night in a cell would help make him see things clearer.

Me: This is dreadful.

Nell: And to make matters even worse they have taken The Cat in for questioning as well.

Me: The Cat?

Nell: Yes. It supplied Kev with his chauffeur’s outfit.

Me: We all use The Cat’s dressing up box.

Nell: I know, but there’s more. On closer inspection of said box they found my tiara and pearls and Mutley’s cufflinks wrapped in a silken scarf and hidden under the clothes.

Me: No.

Nell: I’m afraid so.

Me: The Cat can’t have known they were there. It would never steal from you.

Nell: Yes. Someone must have put them there without its knowledge.

Me: I agree.

Nell: There was just one really odd thing it said when it got into the police car with Kev.

Me: What was it?

Nell: Sorry.

Me: Sorry?

Nell: Yes.

Me: But that’s what I say.

Nell: It doesn’t mean someone else can’t say it too.

Me: No. Sorry.