Nell: You’re not going to believe this.
Me: I just might.
Nell: There’s a large tiger on the sofa downstairs next to Poppy.
Me: I know Beauregard is a large tiger, Nell. He doesn’t visit us often but he’s always welcome.
Nell: It’s not Beauregard.
Me: Oh dear.
Me: I’m not sure we have room for another tiger. We’re already hosting a lion.
Nell: It’s taking up the whole of David’s sofa, apart from Poppy’s cushion.
Me: Is Poppy bothered by it?
Nell: No. She’s decided to ignore it completely. It stretched out its paw to try and knock her off but she’s not moving.
Me: Good for her.
Nell: It’s not moving either, however.
Me: A stubborn tiger then.
Nell: David has tried reasoning with it.
Me: Darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy.
Nell: He’s explained that sofas are for sharing in this house.
Nell: But the tiger is still refusing to move.
Me: How rude.
Nell: Or do anything at all to be honest.
Me: Do we know where it’s come from?
Nell: No. It arrived this morning while we were eating breakfast.
Me: I’ve just had an awful thought.
Nell: Here we go.
Me: Do you think it might be a Trojan Tiger?
Nell: I don’t know its nationality.
Me: Is it actually real?
Nell: Of course it’s real. It’s sitting in the sofa.
Me: I mean living and breathing real.
Nell: I see. Well, it hasn’t actually said or done anything.
Me: Could it be stuffed?
Nell: It might have overindulged I suppose. It is Christmas.
Me: No, like a soft toy.
Nell: You mean someone has sent us a toy tiger?
Me: Yes, but who and why and what’s inside?
Nell: I need a cup of Earl Grey now.
Me: Yes. Sorry.