Stop Annoying Harriet

Nell: Come over here.

Me: I’m busy.

Nell: Right now.

Me: Okay, bossy boots. What’s the matter?

Nell: Stop annoying Harriet.

Me: I’ve just been telling her she’s my darling sweet girl.

Nell: She’s trying to rest before Sunday Songs.

Me: I need her to know she’s loved.

Nell: Why?

Me: Because Jim is out in the field with Rita Pawreno.

Nell: Alone?

Me: No. The llamas are with them and the Welsh Corgi Choir and I think I saw the Whippets Institute minibus.

Nell: So, Jim is simply getting ready for Sunday Songs?

Me: But Rita Pawreno is there. With a flower in her hair.

Nell: Everyone is welcome.

Me: Harriet’s not going to like it.

Nell: How do you know that?

Me: If Kev brought his pretty little dancing girlfriend here from Torquay I wouldn’t be best pleased.

Nell: Kev doesn’t have a pretty little dancing girlfriend in Torquay.

Me: It’s hypothetical.

Nell: And neither does Jim.

Me: You seem ever so sure about that.

Nell: I am.

Me: How can you be?

Nell: Jim and I may have talked yesterday.

Me: Tell me what he said.

Nell: No. You’re the last person I would tell. Look at the way you’ve been behaving with Harriet.

Me: What do you mean?

Nell: Fussing over her. Calling her a ‘poor little thing.’

Me: She is.

Nell: She’s nothing of the kind and by the time Sunday Songs is over you will know why.

Me: Please tell me. I promise I’ll keep quiet.

Nell: Jim only went to Torquay to rehearse some special songs for Harriet with Rita Pawreno.

Me: He did?

Nell: Yes, the whole of Sunday Songs today is celebrating Jim’s love for Harriet.

Me: My sweet darling girl will be overjoyed.

Nell: Not a word.

Me: No. Sorry.

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