Me: You know when you go to Chloe for your massage and hydrotherapy sessions?
Nell: Yes, I lost another 600g by the way, so only just over a kilo to go before this horrendous diet can be relaxed.
Me: That’s marvellous news.
Nell: In fact I thought I might have a little shortbread with my mid morning Earl Grey to celebrate.
Me: No. Try and stay strong. You’re nearly at your ideal weight.
Nell: A Life without Treats is a Room without Light.
Me: That’s rather profound for a Wednesday morning.
Nell: I thought so too. Anyway, what did you want to say about my hydrotherapy sessions with Chloe?
Me: Nobody likes you going. All they do is wait for you to come back.
Nell: That’s touching but understandable. I’m the lynchpin of this family. They are bound to feel a little lost without me.
Me: Dave and Harriet are particularly down. She hangs her head and he has such an expressively sad back.
Nell: I beg your pardon? Backs can’t be expressive.
Me: Dave’s can. You should see it, Nell. It’s all big and round and sad.
Nell: Good grief.
Me: Poppy waits in an alert way.
Nell: Of course.
Me: It’s more watching than waiting. There’s no relaxing involved.
Nell: Poppy only has two settings. Full on or Full off.
Me: Whereas the puppies are hopelessly devastated.
Nell: I’m only gone for an hour and I do this every two weeks.
Me: Just telling it like it is.
Nell: Now that is something we both know you never do if given half the chance.
Me: Stories need embellishing sometimes.
Nell: Less of the hopelessly devastated this time, please. Let’s leave that for the real world. There’s enough going on out there at the moment.
Me: You’re right. Sorry.