Me: Look at my darling Big Brave Beautiful Boy with his neon green chew.
Nell: Don’t disturb David, please. He has some serious thinking to do.
Me: Has he done something wrong?
Nell: No, he has a very difficult decision to make.
Me: He’s not splitting up with Sally, is he? Those two are so sweet together.
Nell: What are you talking about?
Me: I know long distance relationships aren’t easy.
Nell: This has nothing to do with Sally. In fact she’s staying on for a while as she can work remotely.
Me: Wonderful.
Nell: She and David are joining Rupert on a trip to Dartmoor today, actually.
Me: Weren’t you invited?
Nell: There’s no room on the motorbike. Sally will go in the sidecar and David will ride behind Rupert.
Me: That’s a shame. A nice day out is exactly what you need at the moment.
Nell: Is it?
Me: Yes. It might stop you thinking about a certain bad lion.
Nell: I couldn’t care less about lions, or seals. I am my own Labrador.
Me: So what’s Dave trying to decide then?
Nell: It’s all about sandwiches, if you must know.
Me: Sandwiches?
Nell: Yes. Poppy has offered him bacon, or ham.
Me: Can’t he have both?
Nell: No. Poppy wants a decision.
Me: It’s going to be bacon then, isn’t it?
Nell: Not necessarily.
Me: Bacon is his favourite thing ever.
Nell: I know, but Sally prefers ham.
Me: Oh, I see. This is a difficult one.
Nell: It is.
Me: Will Dave selflessly give up bacon so his lady love can enjoy what she desires most?
Nell: Good grief.
Me: Or will the power of bacon triumph?
Nell: Exactly.
Me: He’s going to choose bacon, isn’t he?
Nell: It’s David. Sally will understand.
Me: Yes. Sorry.
