Me: Happy International Women’s Day.
Nell: Thank you. Could you keep your voice down please? Poppy is sleeping. She was up early baking bread for the celebrations.
Me: What are we celebrating?
Nell: You know exactly what we are celebrating.
Me: I do?
Nell: You just said it.
Me: I did?
Nell: Yes. We are celebrating women all over the world.
Me: Of course we are. Is that why there’s a tortoise in the kitchen eating lettuce and speaking Spanish?
Nell: Not at the same time, I hope. It’s very rude to talk with your mouth full. I have to remind David about it constantly.
Me: Well, it certainly felt quite international when I went to get my toast. I’m not used to lettuce or Spanish first thing in the morning.
Nell: The tortoise is a friend of Manuel’s.
Me: I don’t think I’ve seen it here before.
Nell: It doesn’t visit very often. It takes it weeks to get here.
Me: Is it from Barcelona?
Nell: No. Kingsbridge.
Me: But that’s just down the road.
Nell: Not if you’re a tortoise it isn’t. Distance is relative.
Me: Ah, that explains the rucksack. Why is it speaking Spanish?
Nell: Manuel is from Spain.
Me: I don’t speak to him in Spanish.
Nell: That’s because you can’t speak Spanish.
Me: No, I can’t.
Nell: The tortoise can.
Me: I can speak fluent German though.
Nell: Manuel doesn’t understand German.
Me: The tortoise might. For all we know the tortoise is a linguist. I could ask it something in German and see if it replies.
Nell: Are you intending to break up a perfectly happy conversation in Spanish by speaking German?
Me: I was being international.
Nell: Well, don’t. Just be a woman for now. It’s more than enough.
Me: Yes. Sorry.
