Nell: I know Mondays are a difficult day of the week but this is completely unacceptable.
Me: Are you talking about Dave and the mashed potato?
Nell: I beg your pardon?
Me: It was an easy mistake to make. He thought it was porridge.
Me: I mean he was surprised to see it going on top of a fish pie but Poppy can be adventurous now and again.
Nell: Fish pie?
Me: Yes. Poppy was making one for lunch and Dave thought he would help clean up but it went wrong.
Me: It somehow got onto the end of his nose and Poppy was cross and said there might be no pie for him, just a sandwich, and not even a bacon one, just plain ham, or cheese.
Nell: Have you quite finished?
Nell: I was not talking about David. I was talking about The Cat.
Me: The Cat?
Nell: Didn’t you hear it screaming just now?
Me: I heard a little caterwauling. See what I did there? But I know how much The Cat hates Monday mornings and I thought it might have broken a nail.
Nell: This is much worse than that.
Me: What’s happened?
Nell: Barks and Spencer have confiscated The Cat’s store card.
Me: Oh no.
Nell: Apparently it has far exceeded its limit.
Me: The Cat loves a good splurge.
Nell: Not on scotch eggs.
Me: Scotch eggs?
Nell: Yes. The Cat has been ordering dozens of them on its card.
Me: Why? It doesn’t even like them.
Me: No wonder it’s furious. I remember ordering the wrong flavour crisps and I was so cross with myself.
Nell: The Cat didn’t order the scotch eggs. Someone else used its card. Do keep up.
Me: I see. Sorry.