He thought it was porridge

Nell: I know Mondays are a difficult day of the week but this is completely unacceptable.

Me: Are you talking about Dave and the mashed potato?

Nell: I beg your pardon?

Me: It was an easy mistake to make. He thought it was porridge.

Nell: Porridge?

Me: I mean he was surprised to see it going on top of a fish pie but Poppy can be adventurous now and again.

Nell: Fish pie?

Me: Yes. Poppy was making one for lunch and Dave thought he would help clean up but it went wrong.

Nell: How?

Me: It somehow got onto the end of his nose and Poppy was cross and said there might be no pie for him, just a sandwich, and not even a bacon one, just plain ham, or cheese.

Nell: Have you quite finished?

Me: Yes.

Nell: I was not talking about David. I was talking about The Cat.

Me: The Cat?

Nell: Didn’t you hear it screaming just now?

Me: I heard a little caterwauling. See what I did there? But I know how much The Cat hates Monday mornings and I thought it might have broken a nail.

Nell: This is much worse than that.

Me: What’s happened?

Nell: Barks and Spencer have confiscated The Cat’s store card.

Me: Oh no.

Nell: Apparently it has far exceeded its limit.

Me: The Cat loves a good splurge.

Nell: Not on scotch eggs.

Me: Scotch eggs?

Nell: Yes. The Cat has been ordering dozens of them on its card.

Me: Why? It doesn’t even like them.

Nell: Exactly.

Me: No wonder it’s furious. I remember ordering the wrong flavour crisps and I was so cross with myself.

Nell: The Cat didn’t order the scotch eggs. Someone else used its card. Do keep up.

Me: I see. Sorry.

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