Monitoring Deliveries

Me: Are you and Dave waiting for someone?

Nell: There has been a worrying development so David and I are monitoring all deliveries.

Me: You’re not going to see much from back there on the sofa.

Nell: I am being guided by David. If he gives a Warning Bark I will join him immediately.

Me: Immediately is a bit of an exaggeration, Nell. Nowadays it takes you quite a time to get off the sofa.

Nell: I will join in him in my own good time then. Arthritis isn’t much good for spontaneity.

Me: Tell me about it.

Nell: I just did.

Me: Never mind.

Nell: Have you eaten your morning cereal yet?

Me: Yes, although I was hoping for a bacon sandwich as it’s Saturday.

Nell: Poppy has other priorities today. The troops are gathering and picnics need to be made. Armies march on their stomachs.

Me: What troops?

Nell: The general kind. Knitwear Wolf and Sally say we have to be prepared.

Me: For war? What on earth happened?

Nell: Beauregard received a very upsetting parcel.

Me: In the post?

Nell: No. Hanging on a lobster’s claw. Somebody tied it to the treehouse.

Me: Was it alive?

Nell: No. It was just the claw.

Me: How shocking.

Nell: Oliver says Beauregard turned white when he saw what was inside.

Me: Can tigers turn white?

Nell: You know what I mean. His stripes faded.

Me: What happened then?

Nell: Beauregard was absolutely furious and his stripes came back with a vengeance.

Me: Good for him. Go tiger!

Nell: He sprang out of the treehouse and shouted up at the sky, ‘This is war!’

Me: Well, I’m signing up.

Nell: Don’t be ridiculous. You don’t even know what’s happened and besides, you’re a writer not a fighter.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

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