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Of Birds and Biscuits

Me: Oh Nell, is something troubling you?

Nell: I’m finding the lack of you and shortbread biscuits with my tea rather difficult.

Me: Would a scone help?

Nell: Poppy is far too busy rehearsing the quickstep to bake any scones. Stephen Seagull’s steps are slow and sluggish.

Me: Wretched bird.

Nell: Talking of birds, I’m extremely worried about Beauregard and Harriet.

Me: Is singing tonight too much for Beauregard?

Nell: No, he’s looking forward to it. Apparently a few rooks have offered to be his backing singers. I’m concerned about their lack of feathers.

Me: Rooks have lots of feathers.

Nell: Not the rooks. Harriet and Beauregard.

Me: Harriet’s a Chocolate Labrador, Nell, and Beauregard is a tiger. They have coats not feathers.

Nell: I know but they will need feathers to survive. The public vote is awfully feather biased.

Me: Maybe The Cat has some feather boas they can wear?

Nell: Feather boas won’t mud the custard.

Me: Don’t you mean cut the mustard?

Nell: No. I’m talking about muddy custard.

Me: What is muddy custard?

Nell: Haven’t you ever tried Poppy’s Mud Pie?

Me: I can’t say I have.

Nell: You should. It’s delicious.

Me: How do you make it?

Nell: With biscuits and gravy flavoured custard.

Me: Might give that a miss. Did you say biscuits?

Nell: I’m afraid they’re on my mind. The Beefies keep eating them in front of me.

Me: How rude and inconsiderate.

Nell: Yes, and shouting ‘Crunchy’ with your beak full is disgusting.

Me: Does that mean The Beefies still have voices?

Nell: Of course.

Me: Maybe the biscuits don’t affect birds? Ask Malcolm to be a guinea pig and eat one.

Nell: Malcolm is a flamingo not a guinea pig. I could ask Walter Pigeon. He eats anything.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

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