Strange Mats

Me: Why are you looking at me like that? And what’s the matter with Dave?

Nell: There are strange mats in the living room.

Me: Yes, I know.

Nell: They are in the way.

Me: No, they aren’t.

Nell: We have to walk across them to get on and off our sofas.

Me: That’s the whole idea.

Nell: They weren’t there before.

Me: No, they are new.

Nell: David doesn’t trust them.

Me: Well, that’s really silly.

Nell: Mats are notoriously unreliable.

Me: Not these ones, Nell. They are actually there to stop you slipping on the floor.

Nell: Me?

Me: Yes. You slipped recently. Kev told me. So we talked to Chloe and she advised non slip mats in areas where you need to jump up.

Nell: Are you telling me these mats are here because of me?

Me: Yes. You are much stiffer on your legs now with your arthritis and Kev and I want to make you as safe and comfortable as we can.

Nell: The mats don’t really go with the red sofa.

Me: We don’t care, Nell. As long as you are protected.

Nell: That’s actually really sweet and thoughtful of you both. Thank you.

Me: It’s our pleasure.

Nell: Will you be taking the mats to the Strictly Come Prancing venue?

Me: I’m not sure that will be allowed, Nell.

Nell: Only the competition begins on Saturday and I have to sit on a chair.

Me: We will certainly talk to them about it.

Nell: I shall need a non slip mat outside my dressing room, too.

Me: Your dressing room is on the level. There’s no need to jump.

Nell: What if somebody bounces me? Jumps can happen when you least expect them.

Me: You can’t have non slip mats everywhere, Nell. Sorry.

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