A News Day

Me: What’s the matter with you?

Nell: Don’t ask.

Me: Did you get out of bed on the wrong side?

Nell: My bed is on the sofa. There is only one side.

Me: It’s just a saying. Did someone burn your toast?

Nell: No. I didn’t have toast this morning. Manuel made me pancakes with maple syrup and a little bacon on the side.

Me: How very North American of him.

Nell: Yes. He’s a huge fan of Rhubarb.

Me: With pancakes?

Nell: No. Rhubarb the Bernese Mountain Dog. She is joining Strictly as one of the professional dancers.

Me: I still don’t see where pancakes fit in.

Nell: Rhubarb is from Canada. Do keep up.

Me: Talking of Canada I have some wonderful news. Chris and Shannon are flying over for Christmas.

Nell: Finally some truly excellent news and something to look forward to.

Me: Yes, Chris wants a proper English Christmas.

Nell: Then that’s exactly what he will have.

Me: So, what’s wrong with you?

Nell: Anton just called me about the third judge.

Me: Who is it?

Nell: You’re not going to believe this.

Me: I just might.

Nell: It’s Princess.

Me: Princess? But she’s a seal.

Nell: Don’t be so sealist.

Me: No. You’re right.

Nell: I’m not right but that’s what Anton said to me when I expressed my misgivings.

Me: I have to say Princess isn’t my first thought when it comes to dancing.

Nell: Apparently Princess has ‘just the right amount of enthusiasm and warmth needed to counteract Nell’s censorious style.’ I quote.

Me: A head judge has to be a bit censorious.

Nell: All Princess does is clap.

Me: It’s a seal thing.

Nell: You do realise we are going to be subjected to weeks and weeks of this.

Me: Yes. Sorry.

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