Me: Look at you all cheerful and smiley like the cat who got the cream.
Nell: The Cat doesn’t like cream. It’s watching its figure.
Me: You know exactly what I mean. What’s going on?
Nell: If you must know I’ve had some rather exciting news.
Me: Do tell.
Nell: Strictly have asked me to be their head judge.
Me: You? Are you serious?
Nell: Of course I am. I’m awfully experienced you know. Anton just called me on the iBone.
Me: Anton did?
Nell: Yes, Anton Du Bark, the lithe whippet. My old dancing partner. You must remember him.
Me: Oh, that Anton.
Nell: Yes. He’s one of the judges too this year.
Me: Are we still talking about Strictly?
Nell: Yes. Strictly Come Prancing. What’s the matter with you?
Me: Oh, I thought you meant Dancing.
Nell: I do. It’s a dancing competition held every year. Gladys is one of the regular professionals and they’re trying to persuade Beauregard to join them.
Me: You should definitely do it, Nell. You would be marvellous.
Nell: That’s what The Cat said. It’s in charge of costumes again.
Me: How exciting.
Nell: But do I have the time, or the inclination? I’m a senior Labrador now. Should I be slowing down?
Me: You would be absolutely perfect, Nell. Your no nonsense attitude is just what they need.
Nell: I will need to maintain complete impartiality throughout, however, which is going to be very hard.
Me: Why?
Nell: David is one of the professionals.
Me: My Big Brave Beautiful Boy?
Nell: Yes. He is extremely popular with the general public, of course.
Me: I can just see him in his top hat and tails.
Nell: Just the one, thank you. Dancing with a tail is difficult enough, believe me.
Me: Yes. Sorry.
